Shakti on Fire Podcast Ep 004 – The Four Pillars of Shakti on Fire Podcast

Check out the podcast episode here.

– Sharing the four pillars of Shakti on Fire Podcast so you know what to expect and how to look out for your favorite segments

– HEALING Segment

P2P, W2W #

Pain into Power, Wound into Wisdom

– EMPOWERMENT Segment

KICK ASS #

– SOF Sparks

SPARK #

– INTERVIEW Segment

SPOTLIGHT #

Check out the podcast episode here.

Check out the podcast episode here.

Shakti on Fire Podcast Ep 3 – Warrior Goddess Training with Heather Ash Amara

Podcast – http://www.blogtalkradio.com/shaktionfire

  • My experience doing Warrior Goddess Training with Heather Ash Amara
  • What does it mean to be the woman you were meant to be?
  • The ten lessons in Warrior Goddess Training
  • The power of sisterhood, having a community

Support me at Patreon! – https://www.patreon.com/shaktionfire

Website – www.joyleng.com

Shakti on Fire FB Group – https://www.meetup.com/ShaktionFire/

LinkedIn – https://sg.linkedin.com/in/joyleng

FB – www.facebook.com/joymycoach

My latest book – www.fromzerotoshakti.joyleng.com

Free Chapter Giveaway of my book – http://bit.ly/2o1q0hV

Online Courses/Coaching – www.joylight.teachable.com

Free 2 chapters of Warrior Goddess Training – http://www.hierophantpublishing.com/warrior-goddess-training/

Grab your free book chapter here at

www.fromzerotoshakti.joyleng.com

Holistic Coaching (Coaching + Energy Healing)

“Thank you for your support. The holistic coaching session was useful as I was facing a difficult situation previously. The session has helped to provide clarity and instill positivity in my next steps.

The coaches supported the entire coaching process and at the end of the session I’m glad that I have made the decision to attend the session. Highly recommended!”

– Deborah S, Holistic Coaching with Joy and Rimi

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Now that you’ve set your amazing vision for 2017, it’s time to put it into action! To help you get your vision in gear, Rimi and I are offering a joint session of coaching PLUS energy release.

In this joint session, Joy will guide you to clarify the action steps you need to take to meet your goals, and Rimi will release the blockages that are getting in the way of your achieving them.

This joint session is the FIRST of its kind and we are confident you will reap the benefits!

Venue: Central area in Singapore
Energy Exchange: Special rate of $108 (Usual $260)
Duration: 80 min total
(40min private coaching + 40min energy release)
Pax: Only THREE spots available (you will be informed of your scheduled timing), TWO pax to be a confirmed event.

Check for latest event dates – https://www.facebook.com/joymycoach/events/

Important info:

1. RSVP here to indicate your interest.

2. To secure your place, please make your payment in full to POSB Savings 138-29-327-0. Kindly leave a note “SOF H.Coaching” when you make the transfer.

3. Email us at sofmeetup(at)gmail(dot)com with a picture of your transfer to confirm your spot.

3. If we exceed 5 ppl, we will put you on a waitlist for the next holistic coaching session which will take place again in March .

4. Please note that all allocated sessions start and end PUNCTUALLY. If you are late, your session will still end as per scheduled timing to ensure everyone gets their full exclusive session. We appreciate your understanding.

Learn more about energy detox – http://rimiyoshida.com/emotional-detox/
Learn more about coaching – http://www.joyleng.com/joylight-34-basics-of-the-coaching-relationship/

Join our meetup group, Shakti on Firehttps://www.meetup.com/ShaktionFire/

Join our FB group, Kick Ass Academy for kickass content – https://www.facebook.com/groups/1727528670792298/

~~~~~~~~~~~
“Everyone who achieves success in a great venture, solves each problem as they came to it. They helped themselves. And they were helped through powers known and unknown to them at the time they set out on their voyage. They keep going regardless of the obstacles they met.”
– W. Clement Stone

~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s to your soul elevation!

​~ Get your free Step 1 of Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program and my latest kick ass updates here.​ ~

Your Kick Ass Coach,

Joy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AMAZON ALERT!

Check out my brand new book ‘From Zero to Shakti’
A woman’s search for rebirth and redemption.
Now available on Amazon Kindle!
Review on Amazon –
‘The author is very brave, disclosing her personal challenges and the solutions she created. I admire her unselfish sharing, and her courage in undertaking her personal quest.
She traveled a long distance to a special place, and even braved a fire walk–something difficult to imagine. She tells her story in an absorbing way. This book is charming.’

– Shearon B (Australia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*** How often do you say yes when you meant no? Or say no when you meant yes? Take the free Authentic U Quiz to find out.

P.S. Check out my 17mins podcast interview too at Love Is A Verb. 

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

Check out coaching with Joy.
~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

Authentic U 21 – Don’t be so so serious!

Here’s to your soul elevation!

Thanks for reading.

*** How often do you say yes when you meant no? Or say no when you meant yes? Take the free Authentic U Quiz to find out.

P.S. Check out my 17mins podcast interview too at Love Is A Verb. 🙂


Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

Check out coaching with Joy.


~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

Joy Insights 10 – Who do you think you are?

Greetings from Joylight!

Recently I had to spend a few intense days to rush an application to apply for a social cause grant. It was challenging given my zero instincts for numbers.

In addition, I am a virgin in the game of social grant. To make it all the more exciting, I found out about the opening of the grant too late and I was days from its deadline.

Still, my heart leapt when I saw it and I understood what it meant. I had to give it a try. It was something my heart craved for a while. So onwards I march.

Careful what you wish for.

Because when you are willing to do the work and you declare what you want, all the forces of the universe conspires to give it to you. That was my experience.

My coaching partner, despite a very busy mummy schedule was able to do a last minute meeting to discuss the details. I had someone who were good at and willing to cover my deficiency, the financial projection.

Someone from the Chamber of Commerce also agreed to do a last minute meeting to guide me through the procedure. And a few talented and worthy friends agreed to join in forces to value add to what I am going to pitch. Truly amazing isn’t it?

I had to do my due diligence with research and statistics. Who would know that research, in and of itself is quite an art! I had to weave magic into my story. Hoping with my heart that it will come across as heartfelt and compelling.

It was certainly a crazy few days when time and space did not seem to exist in my head. And yet, there we have it, the labour of love ready to be submitted.

I did that holding my breath, not quite believing that it is done. The moment I said my email server declared it ‘sent!’, I was immediately plagued with negativity and pessimism. But of course, my good old foe is back at play. Never one to miss a chance to take a jab at me.

pointing-finger

‘Who do you think you are?’

has started its re-runs. And it is on auto repeat mode. It was excruciating. I found myself drawn towards the familiar and almost comforting hypnotic strains.

Indeed, who do I think I am? Why would the government listen to what I have to say? I am a nobody.

It took all my awareness and willpower to stop myself from giving in to the familiar. With a deep breath and with all the courage I could muster, I said,

‘Hey, I see you are here. That’s ok. Stay as long as you want. When you are done, please close the door behind you.’

Stayed it sure did. Taunting me with its melody. In full awareness of its effects on me.

I accepted my anxiety,

I accepted its presence,

I stayed in the discomfort.

Pink-Lady-02

I am enough.  I am someone willing to give her best to the world. I release my intentions. The universe will guide my path. That is enough.

Finally. ‘Who do you think you are?’ left.

Thank goddess! I know it will come back. And that’s ok too.

Meanwhile, I am proud. Releasing my goddess intention into the world. In working on the application and by managing my old demons, I have honoured my courage, my strength, my creativity, my wisdom and my compassion. I stand proud.

 

Here’s to your soul elevation!

Thanks for reading.

*** The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. I dare you to take on the Self Compassion 7 Days Challenge. Let’s start flexing our self-love muscles. Are you in or out?

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

What it’s like to be coached by Joy

IMG_5288

“I met Joy through CTRT training and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy. She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

As a practitioner in emotional healing I’m usually on the giving end, so it was wonderful to be on the receiving end for a change!

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My coaching experience was very helpful in looking at my goals, setting priorities and taking action.

I really enjoyed discussing my principles and values with Joy who listens with respect and authenticity.

I’ll recommend life coaching with Joy Leng to anyone!

Thank you!”

Ivan Chew, youth worker

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My dearest Joy, thank you for making me into a beautiful phoenix when I most needed a change. You are one of the most amazing woman I know who would want to make another woman feel empowered and beautiful regardless of age or size.

– Charlotte Lee (May 2013), Volunteer Management & Training Executive at Lions Befrienders

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Joy, is different from the rest. She has helped me to build my confidence. She brings out the unexplored outer beauty in me and urges me to find the inner beauty by myself.”
– Christine Lim (March 2012)
~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Since I started on this journey with Joy to work on my goals, she has helped me to become a more confident person. Joy ensures that the goal I set is what I really wanted by skilfully asking me probing and investigative questions.

She also equips me with the required skills and support necessary in obtaining my desired outcomes. She is genuinely concerned and interested in her clients and definitely goes the extra mile to support them.”

– Trina Wong (April 2016)

Dear Joy,

I have huge respect for you. You are an excellent coach.

– Vishal Kapoor (April 2016)
Head Audit, DBS Bank

Q6a

What’s your goal and how are you going to get there?

Let’s get started today.

Here’s to your elevation!

I have known Joy since 2002. Through these years, Joy has always impressed me as a passionate person, full of life fuelled by an intense desire to give back to the community in various ways.

Joy strikes me as a people person, possessing an innate ability to easily connect with others. Perhaps, this stems from her keen interest in life, in general. I sense too that she endears herself to others through her attractive personality.

I also admire her resilience and drive. I believe these are the qualities that would put her in good stead whenever she is serving or helping. She is someone who not only possess the grit to overcome challenges but the creativity to innovate as well.

– Dr John Tan (16 March 2005)
Founder of CARE Singapore

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading.

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring speaker sharing truths from real life experience.
Contact me for a FREE 20 minutes Skype session for yourself or for someone you feel who is in need of a counselor/a coach.
You are not alone.
The sky is only the beginning.
Email – me@joyleng.com

For more information on my background

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

Kickass Dancer – Life Coaching for Dancers

Greetings from Joylight!

That’s a picture of me in 2006 featured in The Star newspaper. This is one picture that fills me up with deep nostalgia.

Which dance picture do you have that makes you feel the same way?

The path of being a dancer and to take the courage to start one of the first pole dancing studio in Singapore was truly a transformational and painful journey.

Does that relate to your dance journey too?

The Star Interview 2006_3

As a dancer, when you read my life story, I think you have a pretty good idea what I went through because you are going through similar or perhaps even more challenging times.

As a business studies student, my classmates look at me weird. No one wants to team up with a dancer who constantly miss classes to go for auditions as their project mate. My family was far from thrilled at what I choose to do. Accordingly, I was meant to work in a bank or work in a ‘proper’ job. Sounds familiar?

I never had the privilege of doing ballet as a child. I was constantly tortured by the better, stronger dancers who could do triple pirouettes or spectacular somersaults without missing a heartbeat. Ever met one of those? 😉

The loneliness, the physical pain, the mental talk, the uncertainty were excruciating. Often, despair was my constant companion.

Have you ever felt the same way?

MS---Joy-291010-0061SJ

Starting SensUal Joy, a pole dancing studio in Singapore at a time when exotic dance was not even heard of except in the movies was one of the craziest stunt I have ever done in my life. I broke up with my then boyfriend in order to pursue my dream of owning a dance studio. That was how badly I wanted to continue dancing and to pass it on.

logotypeselectedcompact

 

But I wanted so much to share what I love with the locals and to empower women like Rachel to own their sensuality. I wanted women a safe and sacred environment where they can come together and celebrate their natural birthright. To the extent that I even started various blogs to share and to educate.

 

The media exposure was great but we had to struggle with some of the reporters who will misconstrue what I was saying. Given that we are talking about exotic dancing and pole dancing, you can imagine how much ‘fun’ it was for me whenever that happened and got printed and circulated! It was a constant uphill task.

SensUal Joy in Media_8SensUal Joy in Media_10SensUal Joy in Media_11SensUal Joy in Media_12

I get shocked expressions whenever people asked me what I do. Men come to the studio thinking that it’s a massage palour. I often sleep in the studio too exhausted to even go home after doing so many hours of teaching all by myself.

I get indecent propositions because of assumptions made about my character just because I own a pole dancing studio. Some months I could barely cover the cost of the rent for a studio in city area and I would crouch alone in a dark corner of SensUal Joy after my students have left and cry.

I was physically drained, mentally defeated. A completely crushed dancer.

Still, like you,

I refused to give up. I refused to give in.

This is what I love.

This is who I am.

I kept going for 7 good years through sheer mental willpower.

DSC09825

So, … I know how isolating the journey can be to struggle with the challenges of being a dancer.

The acceptance from society is not always forthcoming. There is only so much you can share with your friends and even if they are also dancers, a sense of competition is sometimes there. And oh! the cruel thoughts that you have to keep wrestling with. The self limiting beliefs that constantly torture and cripple you.

Now, let’s do a reality check here…

  • How effective has it been to spend time and money, resisting food that you love and enduring the pain to mould the body that you want year after year and yet neglect to work on your mind?
  • How much more powerful you will be as a dancer if you also work on your mental resilience and truly live up to your fullest potential and all the dreams you have as a dancer?
  • How does all the mental trash that you have accumulate over the years stop you from the dancer that you are truly meant to be?
  • What would happen if you would spend some time to eliminate the dis-empowering thoughts you have at the same time that you are working on your physical body?
  • How much more can you do?
  • How much more can you be as a dancer?

NOW WHAT?

Enough with the less than empowered life, it is time to be the kickass dancer that you know you are.

STEP ONE –

Get my life coaching ebook for dancers – Kickass Dancer

and start demolishing the mental debris.

And stand a chance to WIN a coaching session with me.  🙂

STEP TWO –

Email me at me(at)joyleng.com.

Share with me

  • what you would like to see included in the ebook and
  • what has been the top three challenges for you as a dancer.

I’m here to support you. Talk to me!

Your input will help support and uplift fellow dancers.

STEP THREE

How much MORE can you achieve

if you were to commit yourself to a 12 sessions SKYPE coaching?

Everybody needs a listening ear.

Now imagine being coached by a dance soul who

  • has the SAME burning passion as you do for dancing,
  • is like your kindred spirit who has truly in her body, mind and spirit been through what you are going through now,
  • is fully equipped and qualified with the knowledge and skills and
  • whose sole desire is to support you and to guide you to shift to a higher version of yourself.

What kind of a dancer would you be 3 months from now?

Dancin-Fairy-1.6

Kickass Dancing

That’s what you were born to do!

Work it baby! 😉

Here’s to your elevation!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading.

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

If you

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me@joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

 

 

Joylight 39 – Coaching with DiSC

Greetings from Joylight!

With great happiness, I announce a new available option of coaching together with your personalized DiSC assessment.

WHY?

push_and_pull_factors

Source – learn.e-limu

1. Powerful PULL factor

Sometimes coaching conversations can be challenging. It might feel like vague concepts and ideas that you can intellectually grasp but it may not speak to the heart.

With your personalized DiSC profile as the starting point, these concepts and ideas that resulted from discussing your profile come alive.

Simply because you know how truly relevant it is for you.

Star-WarsLightsaber

Source – screenrant

2. Laser Beam Focus

Just like a physical health diagnosis report you have received from the specialist, you know exactly where are the challenge areas. With knowledge, you have the choice to choose where you want to focus on.

And you know that it will be laser beam focus because you have complete awareness of what is going on.

No more guesswork.

magnifying-glass

Source – badteethgirlcamellia

3. Magnified Clarity

Imagine how many times your clarity will be magnified now that you have complete, accurate and fully personalized information at your disposal?

You will no longer have to worry if you are on the right track, whether you are chasing after something that you imagine you wanted but somehow leaves a nagging thought in your head.

You have absolute clarity.

Instead, you will have complete confidence that your goal is what you want and you are putting time, effort and energy in that right direction.

These are just some of powerful advantages that comes with coaching with your DiSC personalized profiling.

HOW DO I GET STARTED?

No matter if you are my existing clients or not, you can take your DiSC profiling assessment with me. It comes with a 45 minutes free coaching session.

DURING THE SESSION

we will discuss

  • The results from your DiSC assessment,
  • What the report findings mean,
  • The important implications for you,
  • What you want to do with the new information,
  • What are the possible areas you can work on,
  • What you want to focus on,
  • How you want to achieve your desired outcome.

AFTER THE COACHING SESSION

You can choose to

  1. Continue your coaching journey with me or
  2. To take the valuable new insights you have gained and work on it on your own.

Learn more about DiSC assessment.

*** I strongly urge you to take your DiSC assessment. Even without coaching, the insights will be invaluable to you and a positive influence on your future goals and motivations.

Email me at me (at) joyleng.com for your DiSC assessment.

Here’s to your elevation!

Thanks for reading.

*** The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. I dare you to take on the Self Compassion 7 Days Challenge. Let’s start flexing our self-love muscles. Are you in or out?

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

 

 

SoulFul 33 – This is water

Source – rapgenius

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There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says

“Morning, boys. How’s the water?”

And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes

“What the hell is water?”

This is a standard requirement of US commencement speeches, the deployment of didactic little parable-ish stories.

The story [“thing”] turns out to be one of the better, less bullshitty conventions of the genre, but if you’re worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise, older fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don’t be.

I am not the wise old fish.

The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about.

Stated as an English sentence, of course, this is just a banal platitude, but the fact is that in the day to day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have a life or death importance, or so I wish to suggest to you on this dry and lovely morning.

Of course the main requirement of speeches like this is that I’m supposed to talk about your liberal arts education’s meaning, to try to explain why the degree you are about to receive has actual human value instead of just a material payoff.

So let’s talk about the single most pervasive cliché in the commencement speech genre, which is that a liberal arts education is not so much about filling you up with knowledge as it is about quote teaching you how to think.

If you’re like me as a student, you’ve never liked hearing this, and you tend to feel a bit insulted by the claim that you needed anybody to teach you how to think, since the fact that you even got admitted to a college this good seems like proof that you already know how to think.

But I’m going to posit to you that the liberal arts cliché turns out not to be insulting at all, because the really significant education in thinking that we’re supposed to get in a place like this isn’t really about the capacity to think, but rather about

the choice of what to think about.

If your total freedom of choice regarding what to think about seems too obvious to waste time discussing, I’d ask you to think about fish and water, and to bracket for just a few minutes your skepticism about the value of the totally obvious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

2-men-at-a-barSource – Shutterstock

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s another didactic little story.

There are these two guys sitting together in a bar in the remote Alaskan wilderness. One of the guys is religious, the other is an atheist, and the two are arguing about the existence of God with that special intensity that comes after about the fourth beer.

And the atheist says:

“Look, it’s not like I don’t have actual reasons for not believing in God. It’s not like I haven’t ever experimented with the whole God and prayer thing.

Just last month I got caught away from the camp in that terrible blizzard, and I was totally lost and I couldn’t see a thing, and it was fifty below, and so I tried it: I fell to my knees in the snow and cried out

‘Oh, God, if there is a God, I’m lost in this blizzard, and I’m gonna die if you don’t help me.'”

And now, in the bar, the religious guy looks at the atheist all puzzled.

“Well then you must believe now,” he says, “After all, here you are, alive.”

The atheist just rolls his eyes.

“No, man, all that was was a couple Eskimos happened to come wandering by and showed me the way back to camp.”

It’s easy to run this story through kind of a standard liberal arts analysis:
the exact same experience can mean two totally different things to two different people, given those people’s two different belief templates and two different ways of constructing meaning from experience.

Criterial EquivalenceBecause we prize tolerance and diversity of belief, nowhere in our liberal arts analysis do we want to claim that one guy’s interpretation is true and the other guy’s is false or bad.

Which is fine, except we also never end up talking about just where these individual templates and beliefs come from.

MEANING

where they come from INSIDE the two guys.

As if a person’s most basic orientation toward the world, and the meaning of his experience were somehow just hard-wired, like height or shoe-size; or automatically absorbed from the culture, like language.

As if how we construct meaning were not actually a matter of personal, intentional choice.

Plus, there’s the whole matter of arrogance. The nonreligious guy is so totally certain in his dismissal of the possibility that the passing Eskimos had anything to do with his prayer for help.

TRUE,

there are plenty of religious people who seem arrogant and certain of their own interpretations, too. They’re probably even more repulsive than atheists, at least to most of us.

BUT

religious dogmatists’ problem is exactly the same as the story’s unbeliever: blind certainty, a close-mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total that the prisoner doesn’t even know he’s locked up.

The point here is that I think this is one part of what teaching me how to think is really supposed to mean.

To be just a little less arrogant.

To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties.

Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded.

I have learned this the hard way, as I predict you graduates will, too.

Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of:

everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that

me-center-of-the-universeSource – janegoodwin

I am the absolute center of the universe;

the realist, most vivid and important person in existence.

We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it’s so socially repulsive. But it’s pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth.

Think about it:

there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of.

The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on.

Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow,

BUT

your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

Please don’t worry that I’m getting ready to lecture you about compassion or other-directedness or all the so-called virtues.

This is not a matter of virtue.

It’s a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default setting which is to be deeply and literally self-centered and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self.

People who can adjust their natural default setting this way are often described as being “well-adjusted”, which I suggest to you is not an accidental term.

Given the triumphant academic setting here, an obvious question is how much of this work of adjusting our default setting involves actual knowledge or intellect. This question gets very tricky.

Source – aeg-edu

Probably the most dangerous thing about an academic education — least in my own case —

is that it enables my tendency to over-intellectualize stuff, to get lost in abstract argument inside my head, instead of simply paying attention to what is going on right in front of me, paying attention to what is going on inside me.

As I’m sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive, instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head (may be happening right now).

Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal arts cliché about teaching you how to think is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea:

learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think.

It means being conscious and aware enough

to choose what you pay attention to and

to choose how you construct meaning from experience.

BECAUSE

if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life,

you will be totally hosed.

Think of the old cliché about quote the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master.

This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth.

It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in the head. They shoot the terrible master.

And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger.

And I submit that this is what the real, no bullshit value of your liberal arts education is supposed to be about: how to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out.

That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense.

Let’s get concrete.

The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what “day in day out” really means. There happen to be whole, large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches.

One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I’m talking about.

Business people waiting for job interview in office

By way of example, let’s say it’s an average adult day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging, white-collar, college-graduate job, and you work hard for eight or ten hours, and at the end of the day you’re tired and somewhat stressed.

All you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for an hour, and then hit the sack early because, of course, you have to get up the next day and do it all again.

BUT

emptyfridgeSource – laughingcolours

then you remember there’s no food at home. You haven’t had time to shop this week because of your challenging job, and so now after work you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It’s the end of the work day and the traffic is apt to be: very bad.

So getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there, the supermarket is very crowded, because of course it’s the time of day when all the other people with jobs also try to squeeze in some grocery shopping.

And the store is hideously lit and infused with soul-killing muzak or corporate pop and it’s pretty much the last place you want to be but you can’t just get in and quickly out.

You have to wander all over the huge, over-lit store’s confusing aisles to find the stuff you want and you have to maneuver your junky cart through all these other tired, hurried people with carts (et cetera, cutting stuff out because this is a long ceremony) and eventually you get all your supper supplies,

EXCEPT

now it turns out there aren’t enough check-out lanes open even though it’s the end-of-the-day rush.

QSource – Fotolia

So the checkout line is incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating.

BUT

you can’t take your frustration out on the frantic lady working the register, who is overworked at a job whose daily tedium and meaninglessness surpasses the imagination of any of us here at a prestigious college.

But anyway, you finally get to the checkout line’s front, and you pay for your food, and you get told to “Have a nice day” in a voice that is the absolute voice of death.

Then you have to take your creepy, flimsy, plastic bags of groceries in your cart with the one crazy wheel that pulls maddeningly to the left, all the way out through the crowded, bumpy, littery parking lot, and then you have to drive all the way home through slow, heavy, SUV-intensive, rush-hour traffic, et cetera.

Everyone here has done this, of course. But it hasn’t yet been part of you graduates’ actual life routine, day after week after month after year.

BUT

it will be.

And many more dreary, annoying, seemingly meaningless routines besides.

But that is not the point.

The point is that petty, frustrating crap like this is exactly where the work of choosing is gonna come in.

Because the traffic jams and crowded aisles and long checkout lines give me time to think,

and if I don’t make a conscious decision about how to think and what to pay attention to,

I’m gonna be pissed and miserable every time I have to shop.

BECAUSE

my natural default setting is the certainty that situations like this are really all about me.

About MY hungriness and MY fatigue and MY desire to just get home, and it’s going to seem for all the world like everybody else is just in my way.

And who are all these people in my way?

And look at how repulsive most of them are, and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line.

And look at how deeply and personally unfair this is.

OR

of course, if I’m in a more socially conscious liberal arts form of my default setting,

trafficjam

I can spend time in the end-of-the-day traffic being disgusted about all the huge, stupid, lane-blocking SUV’s and Hummers and V-12 pickup trucks, burning their wasteful, selfish, forty-gallon tanks of gas, and I can dwell on the fact that the patriotic or religious bumper stickers always seem to be on the biggest, most disgustingly selfish vehicles, driven by the ugliest [responding here to loud applause] (this is an example of how NOT to think, though) most disgustingly selfish vehicles, driven by the ugliest, most inconsiderate and aggressive drivers.

AND

I can think about how our children’s children will despise us for wasting all the future’s fuel, and probably screwing up the climate, and how spoiled and stupid and selfish and disgusting we all are, and how modern consumer society just sucks, and so forth and so on.

You get the idea.

If I choose to think this way in a store and on the freeway, fine.

Lots of us do.

EXCEPT

thinking this way tends to be so easy and automatic that it doesn’t have to be a choice.

It is my natural default setting. It’s the automatic way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I’m operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that

I am the center of the world,

and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world’s priorities.

The thing is that, of course, there are totally different ways to think about these kinds of situations.

In this traffic, all these vehicles stopped and idling in my way, it’s not impossible that some of these people in SUV’s have been in horrible auto accidents in the past, and now find driving so terrifying that their therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge, heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to drive.

OR

that the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he’s trying to get this kid to the hospital, and he’s in a bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am:

it is actually I who am in HIS way.

Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket’s checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have harder, more tedious and painful lives than I do.

Again, please don’t think that I’m giving you moral advice, or that I’m saying you are supposed to think this way, or that anyone expects you to just automatically do it.

Because it’s hard.

It takes will and effort, and if you are like me,

some days you won’t be able to do it, or you just flat out won’t want to.

But most days, if you’re aware enough to give yourself a choice,

you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-up lady who just screamed at her kid in the checkout line.

MAYBE

she’s not usually like this. Maybe she’s been up three straight nights holding the hand of a husband who is dying of bone cancer.

OR

maybe this very lady is the low wage clerk at the motor vehicle department, who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a horrific, infuriating, red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness.

OF COURSE

none of this is likely, but it’s also not impossible.

It just depends what you what to consider.

IF

you’re automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won’t consider possibilities that aren’t annoying and miserable.

BUT

if you really learn how to pay attention,

then you will know there are other options.

It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.

Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true.

The only thing that’s capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re gonna try to see it.

This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t.

You get to decide what to worship.

Because here’s something else that’s weird but true:

in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism.

There is no such thing as not worshipping.

Everybody worships.

The only choice we get is what to worship.

And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship —

be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles —

is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive.

materialism                                                   Source – micheleborba

If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough.

It’s the truth.

beautySource – wonderwomen.co.za

Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you.

On one level, we all know this stuff already.

It’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story.

The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

powerSource – playbuzz

Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear.

intellectSource – chamberart

Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out.

But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful, it’s that they’re unconscious.

They are default settings.

They’re the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that’s what you’re doing.

And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings,

BECAUSE

the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self.

Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom.

The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it.

BUT OF COURSE

there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving.

The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline,

and being able truly to care about other people

and to sacrifice for them over and over

in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

That is real freedom.

That is being educated, and understanding how to think.

The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing. I know that this stuff probably doesn’t sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational the way a commencement speech is supposed to sound.

What it is, as far as I can see, is the capital-T Truth, with a whole lot of rhetorical niceties stripped away.

You are, of course, free to think of it whatever you wish.

BUT

please don’t just dismiss it as just some fingerwagging Dr. Laura sermon.

None of this stuff is really about morality or religion or dogma or big fancy questions of life after death.

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death.

It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness;

awareness of what is so real and essential,

so hidden in plain sight all around us,

all the time,

that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

WaterSource – everbeautiful

“This is water.”

“This is water.”

It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out.

Which means yet another grand cliché turns out to be true: your education really IS the job of a lifetime.

And it commences:

NOW

 

-David Foster Wallace 2005 Kenyon Commencement Speech

Source – web.ics.purdue.edu

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s to your soul elevation!

Thanks for reading.

*** The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. I dare you to take on the Self Compassion 7 Days Challenge. Let’s start flexing our self-love muscles. Are you in or out?

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

 

Joylight 29 – Why should I have a coach?

Greetings from Joylight!

life-coaching-4uSource – silergywellnesscenter

Why do I need a coach?

I have great friends who can give me advice and a loving family who is supportive of what I do.

Your friend is your playmate. You do crazy things with them. You share secrets. You gossip. You compliment each other. You might reprimand each other too.

Your coach is none of the above.

He/she is a trained practitioner whose only interest is to facilitate you to achieve your desired outcomes and to guide your growth, who you become as a result of your goal.

He/she is in your life for a specific, goal directed purpose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hedman (2001) commented after drawing similarities between Carl Rogers’ humanistic, person-centered approach and literature on the essence of executive coaching that

“it should be obvious that Rogerian principles are central to the success of an executive coaching program.”

WARNING:

Having a coach in your life gives you a powerful platform to SKY ROCKET your own performance.

Don’t believe? Read on.

urAwesome

Source – middleclassmamas

1. You are AWESOME!

Your coach has an optimistic view of you. He/she does not bring in his/her opinion of you into your interaction. He/she believes in your capacity to utilize your experiences and resources to advance and grow.

He comes from the basis that given the right environment you will shine naturally. We all have a self-actualizing tendency that makes growth possible. (Dianne, 2006)

Cain (2002) describes the concept of a person as self actualizing “the foundation premise on which humanistic therapies are built.’

may-the-force-b wif uSource – brwacademy

2. May the Force be with You

We all have a tendency to move towards self actualization. (Combs, 1999; Maslow, 1970; Roger, 1951, 1959)

You have an innate desire to reach your fullest capacity. (Rogers, 1951) With that, your coach can create a contextual climate that supports and nurtures you to grow into your potential! (Dianne, 2006)

Being the expert in the process of coaching, your coach can facilitate you to mould the content of your experience into your desired outcome.

“Their faith in the client’s potential ….. act in ways that free clients to find their own directions, solve their own problems, and evolve in ways that are congruent to them.” (Cain, 2002)

sidekick

Source – bookywook-prod

3. Your Sidekick

Your coach is the glue that makes everything sticks together. He/she works with you because he/she believes in your inherent capability of positive growth.

He/she explores with you your own awareness of how you experience yourself, your situation, what it means, and where you want to go with it. (Dianne, 2006)

It’s all about YOU.

He/she honours your direction, where you want to go, what you want to do. (Combs, 1989; Elliot & Greenberg & Paivio, 1997)

This is a collaborative relationship where your sidekick taps into your own sense of unfolding growth and potential. (Dianne, 2006) He/she will guide you to construct meaningful choices and actions for your desired outcome.  Kick ass or what? 🙂

keep-calm-i-m-here-for-you

Source – sd.keepcalm-o-matic

4. Here for You

Your coach provides you with an optimal climate where your capacity for growth can be determined. This is someone who is empathetic to your experiences and seeks actively to listen to your full reality without adding, substracting, or changing information. (Dianne, 2006)

He/she allows you to be more aware of your construction of reality while demonstrating unconditional positive regard for you. (Rogers, 1951, 1975). He/she maintains an attitude of refraining from judgement (Roger, 1959), accepts and values the person that you are.

I believe everyone needs someone like that in their life don’t you think?

flower bloom

Source – cdn.wallwuzz

5. Whole again

  • Have you ever felt a little empty inside?
  • Have you ever felt lonely in a crowd?

Ironically in today’s world where we are so ‘connected’ thanks to technological tools, I think we have never been lonelier as individuals. Also with all our daily tasks and obligations towards work, family and friends, feeling overwhelmed, flustered and drained out is probably the real reality.

Coming back to feeling whole can seem like a luxury. But it is not and it is fundamental to a sense of well being.

When we are functionally at our best, we generally describe this state of feeling “whole,”, “integrated,’ or in “flow” (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990)

Having a coach allows you to have that in your life on a regular basis. His/her empathetic presence in your life and his/her emphasis of viewing you as a dynamic whole is a gentle reminder for you to come back to yourself.

007

Source – foxfilm.com

6. Private 007

Your coach is no ordinary person. He/she is a trained professional in his/her field of human development and human potential. He/she comes equipped with skills, knowledge, abilities and tools to propel you in the direction you want to go.

He/she knows all about the secret processes and possess a powerful arsenal that is yours to utilize to get what you want. He/she has excellent observational skills to monitor your progress.

He/she knows what you say and not saying. He/she is adept to think on his/her feet to help you to navigate the rocky waters to your destination.

He/she has only one mission.

And that mission is your goal.

Your own private 007 activated.

“… the use of the best available knowledge integrated with the practitioner’s expertise in service of the client’s experience and context.” (Sackett et al., 1996)

choice respYSource – cdn1.lockerdome

7. Lighthouse

Lighthouses are life savers. They warn you of dangers and guide you to safe waters if you follow the advice. Your coach is your lighthouse. He/she reinforces your sense of being a holistic individual capable of change, making choices with accompanying responsibility. (Cain, 2002)

Your coach shines a light to emphasize on the choice you are choosing, the actions to make it possible and the meaning you are prescribing to the choice.

That is helpful isn’t it? To gain confidence and clarity to ward off the doubts that is ever so often lurking in the corners, waiting to spring and attack when your guard is down.

“In asking our clients to make clear and conscious choices, we ask them to become active architects of their growth. By holding them accountable for those choices, we underscore the responsibility that comes with choice.”

– Dianne, 2006

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How can I make full use of having a coach?

Something new to think about? 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading.

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring speaker sharing truths from real life experience.

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).