First Stepper – Reflections that transform Life Lessons into Goals and Fulfillment

Happy new year to one and all!

2017 came and went with a gush of wind. It is crazy but hey we are already in the beginnings of January 2018. And the first full moon of the year has already been in sight. Wow.

  • So how do you plan to go about your year ahead?
  • Do you have a plan?
  • What are your goals?
  • What precious insights from 2017 are you bringing with you to ensure that no mistakes are repeated, and lessons translate into goals manifestation?

If you are as impatient as I am, then I would suspect you are in a hurry to jump right into action, and do the first random thing that comes to mind. Resist the temptation. I repeat.

RESIST THE TEMPTATION.

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I call this post/episode the 2018 Blockbuster Part 1 because this is the first of a two part series, where I will share how you can make 2018 a most spectacular blockbuster of a year for you, by setting it up right, from the start.

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To be honest with you, even though I did my Vision Board for 2017, and because of that I had a pretty good idea what I wanted for the year.

While I also create some powerful tools to help extend my vision board into daily life, there were still parts from my vision board that did not manifest.

One of the reasons was because I did not deliberately reflect on the lessons learnt from the previous year, and include that into my goals and plans for the new year.

This year,

I refuse to repeat mistakes
that can be avoided.

With a little patience.

That is why I am making

First Stepper,
Reflections that transform Life Lessons into Goals and Fulfillment

free for you.

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WHY?

Because my 2018 prayer for you is that you start your year not by seeking what’s outside of yourself. But that

you begin your journey
by going inwards.

By doing so, you will naturally gravitate authentically to what your heart is looking for.

Remember, the first step to what’s worthy is towards your heart. And

anything that takes you away from your heart robs you from true living.

Besides that being my prayer for you, how would pausing a moment to reflect help to supercharge your year?

1. Lessons from the past

Reflecting helps you to learn from the past, and cement the lessons from your experiences.

2. Avoid repeated mistakes.

There is a saying that says the first time you make a mistake, it is an accident. The second time you make the same mistake, it is on purpose. The third time you make that same mistake, it is no longer a mistake. It is a habit.

Mistake, intention or habit, you choose.

3. Gain insights

One precious gem about reflecting on the mistakes that we have made is that it gives us a deeper insight into something we have not noticed before. Or a different perspective on things that can become a game changer for us.

4. Pass it on

Reflecting allows us to share the lessons from our mistakes with others so that they don’t have to go the hard trodden road that we already did. Sharing is caring. Why reinvent the wheel?

5. Happiness in a can

Reflecting does not only apply to the negative episodes in our lives. It also extends to the happy experiences we have. Reflecting increases the joy we have gleaned from these experiences, and reminds us how to have more of it in our lives. It’s happiness in a can! 🙂

6. Sparks your creativity

Often times, when we reflect deeply on what has happened, the other possibilities that could have happened if things were done differently, you will suddenly have an intuitive hit! Creativity is heightened in your reflective state. Sparks can fly!

7. Know Thyself

Aristotle once said,

‘Knowing yourself is the
beginning of all wisdom.’

What better way than to reflect on your past feelings, thoughts and actions? 🙂

Reflection.

This is the Part 1 of your blockbuster magic tool. Using reflections from lessons learnt in 2017 to transform into 2018 goals and fulfillment.

Are you ready to activate your first blockbuster magic tool?

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First Stepper is a free program which is Step 1 of a 12 Steps Goal Setting Program called Let’s Step! I am giving it free, to encourage you to use the power of reflections, to create a more meaningful and laser focused 2018 for yourself.

Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program has three Focus Areas to it, and each area has four steps to it. Given that First Stepper is part of Focus Area 1, I will just briefly share about the goal of Focus Area 1 of Let’s Step!

The goal of Focus Area 1 is to guide you to a place of raised awareness and clarity through

  • Reflecting the realization and wisdom that the recent past has to offer,
  • Defining the desired areas for change and for excellence,
  • Establishing powerful reinforcement structures, to ensure the highest possibility for the fulfillment of the goals you declared.

So speaking of reinforcement structures, as step 1 of Let’s Step! Program, First Stepper is the first reinforcement structure set in place, using the power of reflection.

American philosopher and psychologist John Dewey says,

“We do not learn from experience…
we learn from REFLECTING on experience.”

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The positive effects on reflection was confirmed by a research done by the Harvard Business School indicating that

Dedicating time to reflect on your life and work regularly have an affect on performance.

Enters First Stepper, Reflections that transform Life Lessons into Goals and Fulfillment. 🙂

So before you dash off clueless into the the year, let’s take some time to reflect on how the last twelve months have been for you. The yeahs!, the eeeeks!, the should haves, the shouldn’t haves, and so on.

Let’s reflect and see what gems you can learn from it. By doing so, you can be sure that

when it’s time to set goals, you are doing it with crystal clarity.

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You can be confident that when you have reached your goal, it is truly what you wanted because you took the extra crucial step to reflect, before setting your goal for the year.

Here, I will take you briefly through some of the questions in First Stepper that you can reflect on, with some personal examples to help you along.

However, you are encouraged to take First Stepper properly, and put yourself in a quiet environment where you can write down your answers, and do a proper full-fledged reflection.

In the last 12 months, what have been your greatest pride in work, family & friends, and personal development?

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Personal development can be in the mental, physical and spiritual sense. It can also be however you are comfortable to define it. It’s your reflection piece for yourself! 🙂

As for me, one of my deepest satisfaction for 2017 was the unexpected creation of Shakti on Fire Podcast. It was a natural extension of my book, From Zero to Shakti.

It was borne out of a desire to expand the conversations in the book further, revolving around themes such as self compassion, forgiveness, courage and authenticity.

Imagine you are being featured on the cover page of TIME magazine, what would it say about you? How would it describe you?

Are you satisfied with that? If not, write down what you would have preferred instead.

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If I were featured in TIME magazine, I would like to be described as the trailblazer for Shaktis empowering the world. It best summarized my One Million Shaktis, Three Million Sparks dream.

SOF Pledge

What closure or completion from the last 12 months would you want to focus on finishing up in the next 12 months in terms of work, family & friends, and personal development?

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What are the sacrifices you would be required to make, in order to make the completion mentioned in your previous answer?

What are the qualities you will need to cultivate in yourself in order to support the completion required?

E.g. Patience, Focus, Creativity.

For me, I will need to have endurance to stay the course, when things get tough. I need to cultivate a sense of initiative, taking the first step. In order to do that, I also need to manage my fear, that stops me from taking action.

I also need to have self awareness to manage my negative self talk and excuses, whenever it arises.

What is the worst thing that can happen if you do not complete what you set out to do?

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Imagine that you have achieved your goal(s), how would you feel? How does it mean to you? What are the implications?

What was most exciting/satisfying about the last 12 months?

  • What were you doing?
  • Who were you with?
  • Why was it exciting?
  • What would be ONE word you would use to describe how you feel about it?

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Going for my first bachata bootcamp in SILF was a huge accomplishment for me. Especially since I went into it thinking that it was a beginners bootcamp! I was petrified and utterly stressed out to be on stage performing in the front line in front of dancers. I was far from perfect but I did it. 🙂

I felt EXHILARATED!

If this is something that you would like to have more of, how would you want it to be better?

  • Or bring it to the next level?
  • What’s next?

What was most regrettable about the last 12 months?

  • What were you doing?
  • Who did it affect?
  • Why was it regrettable?
  • What would be ONE word you would use to describe how you feel about it?

If you were given a second chance, what are some of the things that you could have done differently in the last 12 months?

I would have made time to learn and experiment on how to be a better and more active listener. I would have researched on how I can make that happen, and actively practice and apply what I have learnt. I think it would have made great difference in my relationships with people.

What is the greatest learning lesson(s) you have gained from the last 12 months?

How would you translate that learning into your life? What practical steps will you take moving forward?

Looking at the last 12 months, when did you allow fear and doubts to hold you back from getting what you wanted?

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What would you have done differently?

What was non-inspiring/dreadful for you about the last 12 months?

How do you intend to change it for the next 12 months?

  • Remove it?
  • Adjust it?
  • Replace it?

In three words, describe the person that you were for the last 12 months.

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My three words are learner, achiever, artiste.

In three words, describe the person that you are going to be in the next 12 months.

My three words are learner, influencer, artiste.

What is the difference, if any? Why the difference?

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How are you going to materialize the difference?

If you have been seriously answering these questions meditatively and thoroughly, well done!

Congratulations, you are definitely on your way to transform precious life lessons learnt in 2017 into meaningful goals for 2018, that will led to immense satisfaction and fulfillment for you.

So take a deep breath, sleep over it too if you want to before coming back to review all that you have written.

From there, see what arises for you. New insights, goals and aspirations for the new year. Write it all down.

Listen to your heart.

Hold on to these precious notes for you will need them for the

next post/episode where I will reveal Blockbuster Part II.

Thank you for taking the time with me to reflect on your 2017 life lessons. I find the idea that I will not be repeating mistakes I made in 2017, because I made time to learn from it already very satisfying.

Sometimes the way to move forward is to move backwards. And

Sometimes the fastest way
is to move slow.

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Don’t forget who won in the end! The tortoise! 😉

Let’s make your 2018 a most spectacular blockbuster year ever!

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For those of you who have not been thorough in this exercise, don’t forget to get started properly on your First Stepper, Reflections that transform Life Lessons into Goals and Fulfillment.

It’s free.

Start 2018 with clarity and purpose.

Leaving you with this beautiful quote from Rumi.

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GRAB YOUR FIRST STEPPER HERE!

In the cycles of our lives, there will be some beginnings that seem bubbling with beautiful promises. There is a delicious air of anticipation.

While it is definitely well and good to be motivated, with the exciting pulse  of new possibilities, it is vital to remind ourselves that

nothing happens without

intention and commitment.

Oh, what a downer. But it isn’t. It means you get to play. Take out the blank canvas and dream.

  • What medium would you like to use?
  • What would you like to draw?
  • What kind of colour would you be using?

Possibilities are infinite.

The blank space is inviting you to

fill it up with what inspires you.

This is exactly how I view vision boards. They are such a powerful tool to employ in the beginning of the year, or in a new phase of your life. You engage your mind and your senses, to decide what are your goals for the way forward.

Investigate what inspires you, and is worth your time and effort. You prioritize them, and declare it on your vision board.

As I started working on mine,

I just got more and more energized.

There is so much power in putting down on paper what was till that point, merely drifting thoughts in my mind.

I observed the same response from my clients. As I guide them to imagine, and to claim what they want to be theirs,

their eyes sparkled.

It was so intoxicating for me to watch someone else weave their dreams into their vision board. Truly magical.

When it was all done, I heaved a sigh of relief and contentment. It felt like a huge brain dump. Except that what I was releasing, were very pleasing things that were close to my heart.

As I look intently at my vision board in its entirety, my heart started to sing. It was almost too much to bear, to gaze at all that I desire at one glance. I felt true soul magic at work.

I also felt the newfound determination

to see it to its completion.

One of my clients thanked me after our vision board magic session, and shared that it had helped her resolve a lingering dilemma for the last two weeks. She was considering a study bond from her company, which was a very crucial step for her. But she had reservations and doubt.

In the course of drawing out her intentions for her work onto her vision board, she suddenly realized that the answer from her heart was a yes.

All the fears and concerns that had kept her immobile all these time, melted away.

Such vision board magic!

The way I do my vision board is radically different from the usual vision boards out there. My version of vision board comes from years of trials and error.

I did not want to just create yet another vision board for the new year, without acknowledging the parts that didn’t work for me the year before. I also wanted to make sure that my vision board is a board that works, with visions manifested.

Hence, together with my own observations and feedback from my clients, Vision Board Magic (VBM) was born.

The potent secret ingredients in VBM adds an alchemical element to the vision board, that helps it to become more accessible in daily life. After all, you can’t go everywhere with your vision board.

But what’s the use of a vision board that does not weave its magic in your daily life, to manifest what’s on it?

Vision Board Magic – Magic Amplification.

Today, I will share two of these potent ingredients of Vision Board Magic. When these ingredients are thrown into the pot, it will change a pretty picture board on your wall, to a board that works and visions that manifest.

Before we move in that direction, I want to make it clear what vision board is and more importantly, what vision board is NOT. That will ensure that your vision board is created with conviction, and delusions-free.

  1. Vision board is NOT a magic pill.

    Just because you made time to create a most beautiful vision board, does not mean that it will now automatically manifest by iteself. Tough luck Shakti but you need to commit, and do the actual work to ground your goals into reality.

    Your vision board is the modest seed that you have embedded into the soil. It is not the blossoming plant. You actually need to water it, care for it, and give consistent time and attention for the beautiful flowers, that is waiting to bloom.

  2. Vision board is a magnifier.

    Your vision board not only activates your goals, and it is brought to the forefront of your conscious mind. It reveals to you where to focus your attention, and what to look out for in your daily life.

    In doing so, it magnifies your visions powerfully on the energetic level. A compound effect is generated towards your goals, your efforts and your intentions.

    The more you act on your vision board, the faster you snowball towards your desired outcomes. The law of synchronicity is also activated. You start to attract ‘coincidences’.

  3. Vision board is not for the chicken-hearted.

    The Cambridge dictionary defines vision as the ability to imagine how a country, society, industry, etc. could develop in the future and to plan for this.I repeat, and … to … plan … for … it. That is what you are doing with your vision board, something a chicken is unable to do.

    A chicken does not aspire to be an eagle, it doesn’t even spend much time looking up! It is busy pecking for food. Neither does it have the notion to admire the sunset or the sunrise.

    Vision boards are for people who have the guts to dream, to visualize a desired future for themselves. Who is willing to have the faith, even if they cannot see the path ahead, at the moment.

    In short, vision boards are meant for visionaries.

    Are you a visionary?

Alright, now that we have that clarity and reality-check, it is time to reveal two of my Vision Board Magic secrets to you.

Are you ready?

Vision Board Magic Secret Ingredients

1. A Vision Board Magic is a Being Board.

  • Have you ever created vision boards before?
  • Have you ever looked back at your board one year later, and wondered ‘why on earth was that goal on my board?
  • Have you ever achieved what was on your board, and then felt disappointed, because it did not satisfy you at all?

The antidote is to think of your vision board as a representation of your BE-ingness. It is not about what you want to do, what you want to have, etc.

It is about who you are BE-ing.

Which area of your BEing-ness are you focusing on this new year or this new phase of your life?

What was put on your board might be things that you thought would made you happy. But it didn’t. I thought long and hard about it after reviewing my own board.

Then, it struck me like a bolt of lightning. Because I was focusing on the wrong thing. I asked myself what kind of board would I like to make moving forward, that will not repeat this sense of dissatisfaction again.

I realized I was moving in the opposite direction. Instead of being so occupied with what I want to achieve, what I want to have,

I should be focused on WHO I want TO BE.

I wanted

to create vision boards that

satisfy my last breath with a smile.

I suspect that I do not really care what I own or achieved in that moment, in my last breath. I WILL care about how I have lived my life and used up all my energy to be the kind of person I want to be.

What better insurance for that

than your vision board?

Provided you are committed to your Vision Board of course.

That was a real game-changer for me. So now the heart of my vision board comes from who I want to be, and it branches out to what that means in terms of the activities I will engage in, the projects that I will take up, the possessions I want to work towards, the  commitments I will make, etc.

All of which, will express that kind of ‘last-breath satisfaction’ for me.

2. Know Your Why

“He who has a why to live for

can bear almost any how.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Another element that you will not find in other vision boards, is the why. We all know about the why, Simon Sinek got everyone into a frenzy with it.

And, rightly so.

If knowing your why is so crucial,

then why is your why

not on your vision board?

Vision Board Magic includes the all-important-why on your vision board. Again, this was added based on observing my own behavior. I noted that there were times when I felt a sense of dread looking at my vision board.

It reminded me of the amount of work I needed to put in to make things happen, and all the things I have not done yet. Why was I feeling dread?

Because I have forgotten about my why.

What is the simplest solution?

Include your Why in your Vision Board Magic! It’s your vision board so put it in any way that makes sense to you. Make sure that it is clearly visible.

The toe pads of geckos contain tiny hair-like structures called setae, which helps it to stick to surfaces so it does not fall.

The Why on your board is one of the several setae in Vision Board Magic, that helps your vision board sticks to your daily life. 

In your stressful or tiring moments, looking at the why on your board will energize and refocus your energy and attention. Split-second re-calibration.

Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it”
― Gautama Buddha.

The Being-ness of a Vision Board Magic does exactly that. It helps you define your purpose, and to give your whole heart and soul to that purpose by translating it into the sub-branches in your vision board.

Thank you for reading.

GIMME MORE GOOD STUFF!

1. First Stepper on Shakti on Fire Podcast

If you want to listen to the podcast episode of this blog post, click here.

2. Using the 4 Elements to Actualize your goals and vision

Have a most fruitful heart-satisfying 2018 ahead! 🙂

Story SMASH!er

Joy Leng

SS Contact

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What can Narrative Therapy do for me?

We have all heard of the rather controversial hypnotherapy, and perhaps even the very successful cognitive behavior therapy. Even arts and movement therapy.

But narrative therapy?

What could that be?

Therapy revolving around stories?

If that was your thought process, you are absolutely right on the mark! 🙂 Narrative Therapy was developed during the 1970s and 1980s, by Australian social worker Michael White and David Epston of New Zealand.

According to Alice Morgan’s influential and highly popular text, What is narrative therapy? An easy-to-read introduction, Narrative Therapy can be about one of the following:

  • Particular ways of understanding people’s identities.
  • Certain ways of understanding problems and their effects on people’s lives.
  • Particular ways of talking with people about their lives and problems they may be experiencing, or
  • Particular ways of understanding therapeutic relationships and the ethics or politics of therapy.

The goal of narrative therapy Narrative Therapy is to be a

respectful, non-blaming approach

to counselling and community work, which centres

people as the experts in their own lives.

PRINCIPLES AND ASSUMPTIONS

1. EXTERNALIZATION

“In narrative treatment, problems are considered to be outside forces
that enter people’s lives and rewrite the basic text of who they are. ”

– Paquin, 2009:92

The beauty of externalization is that

  • it creates space for people to be able to explore new and different perspective on the issue.
  • Without the ‘blame’ conversation, it helps to ease the conflict in interpersonal relationships, in families and in the communities.
  • it avoids the problem of clients personalizing the problem, creating serious disempowering self identities and self esteem.
  • it enables a real conversation ABOUT the problem, rather than from a crippling ‘I’ perspective.

2. MULTI-STORIED LIVES

Stories are how we relate to one another, and how we create meaning for our lives. It is rich with information of the wide and varied lived experiences of our lives.

Just like we can define our main life story revolving around the fact that we were given up by our parents and adopted and therefore, a worthless individual. We can also frame our dominant story as one who rose from rags to riches, and hence a determined and successful individual .

Micheal White and David Epston (1990) explored the idea of a multi-storied version of life. That enables flexibility in the interpretations of what a person might be and defied a singular definition of a person.

3. YOU ARE THE EXPERT OF YOUR LIFE

Your narrative therapist/coach will approach your sessions with the belief that

you are the expert of your life.

Not them.

You are already skillful and competent in resolving your issues.

You inherently possess the necessary values, beliefs, skills, knowledge and abilities to manage your challenges. Your narrative therapist/coach is a non-judgmental collaborator who helps you address the problem, and to co-author a more nurturing story.

Narrative Therapy guides a person to

  • Identify their values,
  • Identify the skills, knowledge and abilities (unique qualities) that they have displayed in the past or current when undergoing hardship
  • Investigate the history of the unique qualities
  • Challenge the current dominant discourse (problem story) that is destructive
  • Co-author a more nurturing discourse to replace the problem story.

There is so much power and liberation from re-writing a disempowering stories. You will see how I rewrote my story and my sense of identity in my autobiography book, From Zero to Shakti. The title of the book says it all. 🙂

I have also experienced the power of re-authoring using Narrative Therapy and many other modalities. But

the commitment to stay
the course is vital.

Re-authoring your story also means that first and foremost, we need to discover what is the dominant story that you have been living with. While it is very apparent for some people, it is not so for others.

It is so deeply ingrained in the unconscious mind, some people have absolutely no clue.

It doesn’t matter which category you belong to,

what matters is that you begin.

That is why I created the Story SMASH!er Coaching Program that using Narrative Therapy, Aroma Freedom Technique, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, mindfulness and a whole lot of other good stuff to give you an all-rounded support in this exciting re-authoring journey. It will radically transform your life.

If you are feeling something inside, that is prompting you to experiment with Narrative Therapy, then

grab the free
Life Story Plot exercise.

It will give you a first hand taste of how NT can powerfully help you to wear a more empowering lens in life, and to reset how you feel about yourself.

Remember,

you are the light.
Seek it from within.

Be well dear one, please take a look at the Story SMASH!er Program or even the 14 Days Aroma Freedom Technique Challenge, if you want to do inner work together with pure essentials oil.

And of course, I’m here for you for coaching/therapy as always.

Be kind to yourself.

Grab your free Life Story Plot exercise here.

*** If you would like to book for a coaching / counseling / Aroma Freedom Technique session with me, here is the link.

Namaste.

Story SMASHer,

Joy

~ Nurturing Resilience, Vitality and Self-love in Women ~

 

 

Are You Depressed?

In the U.S alone, about 15 million people suffer from depression annually. Although majority are women,

almost two-thirds do not seek help.

  • Are you among the two-thirds?
  • Are you wondering if you are depressed?
  • How do you know if you are depressed?

Given the scary statistics on women, you can understand why I feel the need to do a post on depression and women.

WOMEN AND DEPRESSION

Women are twice as likely to develop clinical depression as men. Almost up to one in four women is likely to have at least one episode of major depression at some point in life.

Meaning that

between you and three of your close girlfriends, one of you is going to have a major depression episode at some point.

Depression is common, depression is real and no it doesn’t just happen to ‘other people.’

Depression can happen to anyone, including you and me.

So then, what exactly is depression?

WHAT IS DEPRESSION?

According to Webmd,

clinical depression is a serious and pervasive mood disorder.

It causes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness.

Depression can be mild to moderate with symptoms of apathy, little appetite, difficulty sleeping, low self-esteem, and low-grade fatigue. Or it can be more severe.

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?

In women, symptoms of depression include:

  • Persistent sadness, anxiety, or a sense of ’emptiness’
  • Little or no interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
  • Restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
  • Sleeping too much or too  little, middle of the night wakings
  • Loss of appetite &/ weight loss or overeating & weight gain
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, feeling ‘sluggish’
  • Contemplation of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • Trouble concentrating, remembering or making decisions
  • Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

WHY DO WOMEN GET DEPRESSION MORE OFTEN THAN MEN?

  1. BIOLOGICAL/PHYSICAL/HORMONAL

I. Women’s Hormonal Fluctuations

The fluctuations of hormones level throughout a woman’s life have been believed to be a major factor. Hormones changes are most evident during significant periods in a woman’s life.

  • Premenstrual stress can also cause depression, anxiety and mood swings one week before menstruation.
  • Pregnancy, infertility, miscarriage, unwanted pregnancy
  • Postpartum depression
  • Perimenopause and menopause

II. Health Challenges

  • Chronic illness
  • Injury
  • Disability
  • Dieting
  • Quitting vices/addictions (e.g. alcohol, drugs, smoking)
  • Medication side effects (E.g. birth control medication, hormone replacement therapy.)

2. PSYCHOLOGICAL

I. Feelings

Women are more likely to ruminate when they are depressed. We cry to relieve our emotional tension, have negative inner dialogues and confide in friends about our depression.

The thing is,

rumination reinforces depression
and can make it worse.

II. Environmental stressors

Stress from work, school or at home can affect women more than men. Studies have shown that women are more likely to develop depression from stress, as compared to men.

Also, the female physiological response
to stress is to produce
MORE stress hormones.

The female sex hormone progesterone does not turn off the stress hormone system the way it does in men.

III. Body Image Issues

Ah, this is the bomb for women. And often, it already starts in puberty. Not only does a young girl experiences the challenges and confusion that comes with puberty, she would have already been exposed to the implicit and explicit expectations of society about women, by  observing her environment and the female figures in her life. And of course,

the impossible perfect body.

3. SOCIAL

Social factors, lifestyle choices, relationships and coping skills can become potential breeding grounds for depression as well.

  • Marital or love relationships, balancing the demands of romance, home life and career.
  • Family duties, such as caring for the spouse, the young and the aging.
  • Work challenges or discrimination at work such as skipped for a promotion or even retrenchment.
  • Death and sickness of loved ones.

4. OTHER FACTORS

Factors that can increase the chance of depression in women.

  • Genetic
  • Interpersonal
  • Psychological or personality characteristics
  • Being a single parent
  • Family history of mood disorders
  • History of mood disorders in early reproductive years
  • Loss of a parent before age 10
  • Loss of social support system or the threat of such a loss
  • Ongoing psychological and social stress
  • Physical or sexual abuse

HOW TO COPE WITH DEPRESSION

As you can see, depression is common for women,

you are not alone.

While it is challenging to be enthusiastic about resolving your depression issue while in depression, you can start with baby steps.

Here are some suggestions on what you can do to slowly move yourself out of the black vacuum that you are feeling.

I will keep this short because I would like to do a separate post on techniques to cope with depression.

  • Find a friend who can be an open and non-judgemental listener for you.

    If there is none, there are always counselors and therapists near you whom you can seek help from.

  • Physical exercise

    Be it a slow walk by the park or a vigorous kick boxing session, exercise releases endorphins, that can make you feel good and better about yourself.

  • Quality sleep

    Have at least 6-8 of sleep. Do not shortchange yourself on quality sleep that can help you to rest, repair and rejuvenate.

  • Meditate

    Make time for stillness to centered yourself back to your core again. Breath works is great too. My favorite tool is Insight App.

  • Gratitude

    Just for two minutes every night, list down the blessings that still abounds in your life. Breath and expand the sensation of gratitude in your heart.

  • Hydration

    About 60% of the human body is water. Make sure you drink enough water everyday to stay hydrated and to minimize disruptions in the bodily functions/processes. Avoid or minimize alcohol or dehydrating fluids like coffee.

  • Spiritual guidance

    Whatever is your spiritual or religious beliefs, seek constant inspiration and draw strength from it. There must be a reason why this is your spirituality, anchor on it.

  • Sunlight is your friend

    Get outdoors, breath in the fresh air, and soak in the sunlight. It will do wonders for your body, mind and spirit.

    Better still, book a session of Open-Hearted Walk with me and you get counseling plus a refreshing outdoor walk, all in one! 🙂

  • Socialize

    Be involved in social activities, meet up with your friends.  Join a new social club or interest group!

  • Get therapy

    Explore psycho-therapy, energy healing. For example, Aroma Freedom Technique is known to be a quick process that helps you process past negative feelings and memories, so that you can let go of the past and move your emotional energy into a positive direction.

  • Challenge your thoughts

    When that negative voice starts again, challenge it. Don’t just accept it. Ask for evidence for what it’s saying and think of times/evidence when it was not the case.

  • Keep going!

    Even when you don’t feel like it, still get up and moving. Continue to meet friends, walk the dog, show up for work. Keep going!

So, are you depressed?

What jumped out at you from this post?

Use this depression quiz to determine where you are.

It is important to seek support and even professional help if you are depressed. First thing first, awareness. Use the depression quiz to gain awareness.

REFERENCES:

  • https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-women#1
  • https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-in-women.htm
  • https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-in-women/index.shtml
  • https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/4-fast-mood-boosters-

Be kind to yourself today dear one.

Grab your depression quiz here.

*** If you would like to book for a coaching / counseling / Aroma Freedom Technique session with me, here is the link.

Namaste.

Story SMASHer,

Joy

~ Nurturing Resilience, Vitality and Self-love in Women ~

 

Life Coaching with Aroma Freedom Technique(AFT)

The Aroma Freedom Technique (AFT) is a simple process designed to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

I found AFT accidentally when I signed up for an online wellness summit where Dr Perkus was interviewed. That was when I was first introduced to AFT. I was intrigued and skeptical at the same time.

I have always had a deep love for essential oils and I used them for myself, and my home on a daily basis. For a while now, I have been looking for a modality that can manage the blockages that are submerged in the client’s subconscious level that, as a life coach, is beyond my reach.

That desire came from my observation of several clients, who seemed to be unable to fulfill their commitment to follow up tasks, despite successful coaching sessions.

My instinct told me that there are some hidden barriers, that were also beyond their conscious awareness, that was hindering what would had otherwise been meaningful and sustainable progress.

I was reluctant to include energy modalities such as Reiki and EFT because it is not always accepted by the masses, and can sometimes be considered too intangible for clients to feel a sense of credibility and validity to their healing/empowerment process.

I attended a free webinar, where AFT was used to heighten intuition. I was blown away by my own experience. In a very short time, I felt a painful memory that had been my companion for a long time, fade away.

I even tried to ‘catch’ back the intensity and the pain of the memory that I was so familiar with, and was very surprised to find that, that was hard to do. That was when I felt a sense of excitement, that this could be the modality that I was looking for, to complement my life coaching work.

What I most appreciate about the process is how fast, how elegant and how non-intrusive it is. Unlike other modality such as psychotherapy where you need to have all the details in order to assist the clients, you can still facilitate an effective AFT session, no matter how much or how little was shared by the client.

That is just invaluable, especially to reach out to people who are not so prone to sharing too much, either out of fear or personality.

Having since my course, I have added AFT to my coaching work and I found it to be a beautiful match. Now the client not only can work through their goals and challenges with the conscious mind, they can at the same time, clear whatever barriers from the past that could hinder their active attempts in getting what they want.

Personal alchemy at its best!

There is also a sense of satisfaction, that I did the right thing to take the certification, since I took the course more out of impulse, instinct and excitement, rather than on deliberate contemplation and planning.

I am grateful to have encountered AFT in such an unexpected manner, even though I had been ‘waiting’ for it. I am looking forward to use this new modality to help women clear their blockages, that has been keeping them from feeling whole, and from celebrating all that it means to be a woman.

In the article ‘Whole brain coaching and the Merlin Effect Lessons from advancing neuroscience by Forbes 2006’, science writer Steven Johnson has proposed that the mind is an emergent property of the brain that results in a whole that is somehow greater than the sums of its parts.

Johnson suggests that human brains is designed to love and connect as much as they are constructed to fight and flee. He refers to the work of National Institute of Health researcher Paul McLean’s triune brain theory to help explain the complexity of how we think, feel and act.

McLean suggested that we actually have three brains in one, a primitive reptilian brain (brain stem and cerebellum), a mammalian brain (limbic system), and a human brain (neocortex).

This concept of a tri-part brain may better prepare as coaches for working with the sometimes perplexing and difficult-to-explain thoughts and actions of our clients as their different brain centers vie for control.

Now with AFT, I can address issues and challenges presented not just by the human brain, but also by the reptilian and the mammalian brain, bringing my coaching to a whole new level. I am truly excited about the developments.

Why be coached only on the 5% of your brain when you can strive towards whole brain coaching? After all, if you are paying for a coach, you might as well go all the way! 🙂

*** Grab a free mp3 that will guide you through the 12 steps of AFT process (courtesy of Shakti on Fire Podcast).

BOOK YOUR AFT SESSION HERE.

BOOK YOUR AFT SESSION HERE.

SPECIAL INCENTIVE

P.s. Do note that Young Living oils have been recommended by Dr Perkus for the AFT process.

P.P.S. ~ Get your free Step 1 of Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program and my latest kick ass updates here.​ ~
~ Free coaching series for women at Shakti on Fire Podcast! 🙂

Namaste.
With all my Shakti love,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AMAZON ALERT!

Check out my brand new book ‘From Zero to Shakti’
A woman’s path to self-healing and empowerment.
Now available on Amazon and here.
Review on Amazon –
‘The author is very brave, disclosing her personal challenges and the solutions she created. I admire her unselfish sharing, and her courage in undertaking her personal quest.
She traveled a long distance to a special place, and even braved a fire walk–something difficult to imagine. She tells her story in an absorbing way. This book is charming.’

– Shearon B (Australia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*** Take the first step to your GOALS here!

Shakti on Fire Podcast Ep 3 – Warrior Goddess Training with Heather Ash Amara

Podcast – http://www.blogtalkradio.com/shaktionfire

  • My experience doing Warrior Goddess Training with Heather Ash Amara
  • What does it mean to be the woman you were meant to be?
  • The ten lessons in Warrior Goddess Training
  • The power of sisterhood, having a community

Support me at Patreon! – https://www.patreon.com/shaktionfire

Website – www.joyleng.com

Shakti on Fire FB Group – https://www.meetup.com/ShaktionFire/

LinkedIn – https://sg.linkedin.com/in/joyleng

FB – www.facebook.com/joymycoach

My latest book – www.fromzerotoshakti.joyleng.com

Free Chapter Giveaway of my book – http://bit.ly/2o1q0hV

Online Courses/Coaching – www.joylight.teachable.com

Free 2 chapters of Warrior Goddess Training – http://www.hierophantpublishing.com/warrior-goddess-training/

Grab your free book chapter here at

www.fromzerotoshakti.joyleng.com

Shakti on Fire (SOF) Walk the Talk, An Open-Hearted Walk with Joy

http://joylight.teachable.com/p/walk-talk-sg

~ FOR WOMEN ~

Hello there,

My name is Joy.

I am an ICF accreditated life coach, with a BA in psycholgy, and trained in Choice Theory/Reality Therapy.

Recently, I wrote a book, From Zero to Shakti.

It is about my life story, of how depression and a sense of loneliness and unworthiness have occupied a big part of my life. And the multiple inauthentic relationships that I have allowed myself to go through.

So yes, I have been there.

In fact, that is why I underwent all the years of psychology and coaching training that I did.

So that I can help others who are going through similar situations.

Based on the Singapore Mental Health Study conducted in 2010 by Institute of Medical Health, as many as 1 in 17 people have suffered from Major Depressive Disorder at some time in their life.

We can stop this modern day phenomenon.

By taking early steps in taking care of our mental health. And those of our loved ones.

  • FEELING ALL COPED UP?
  • HAVE EMOTIONS YOU FIND HARD TO EXPRESS?
  • DON’T KNOW WHO YOU CAN TALK TO?
  • HAVE PLANS YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN?

You are at the right place.

Are you

– In Singapore?

– Have issues you want to sort out?

– Need to clarify confusing feelings?

– Want to process a recent disturbing event?

– Looking for a trained and compassionate coach?

– Knows someone who is?

Book Your Open Hearted Walk with Me.

It is easy to get lost in our mental plane and be overwhelmed with the negative emotions that we are feeling.

By walking with me as you open up your heart,

– we engage your physical body to help keep you in the present moment.

Talking to a non-judgemental and trained individual,

– Who is wholly here to listen and to be with you,

– Will help you feel heard and

– To release the intense energy that is trapped within you.

This process gently guides you,

– To process and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings.

With that deeper self awareness,

– We can work towards planning your next thoughtful steps.

By taking this walk with me, it means

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You be surprised about how you feel and the insights you can get.

Take an open hearted walk with me.

HOW?

– Once payment is confirmed, I will contact you to schedule

– One hour walk/coaching

– Bay area outside Marina Bay Sands and Fullerton Bay Hotel

– Includes short breath works and visualization

– Subject to changes depending on the weather and area conditions

– The walk is valid for 3 months from the date of purchase.

Book your open hearted walk with me here.

A GIFT OF LOVE

  • Worried about someone dear to you?
  • Not sure how to reach out?
  • Book an open-hearted walk for your loved one.

Let’s help someone smile again.

Book an open hearted walk for a loved one.


HAPPY BONUSES!!

To support you further on your path to healing, I will be giving you


– A free ecopy of my latest book, From Zero to Shakti (Worth US$4.99)


– 7 Days Self Compassion Challenge (E-course format) (Worth US$25)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOTAL BONUSES worth US$30

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Book Your Open Hearted Walk Today.

Namaste.

Blessings,

Joy

PLEASE NOTE THAT –

– This is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen.

– I reserve the right to cancel or postpone the walk in my sole discretion.

Feeling suicidal?

Call Samaritans of Singapore at 1800-221 4444

What’s Your Story Workshop based on Choice Theory and From Zero to Shakti

I cannot be more thrilled that my book was given a chance to have a smashing start. To be invited once again by Young Women Leadership Connection (YWLC) to do a talk for a women shelter is the most perfect beginning for my book.

One year ago, when I was invited to do a motivational talk for the same shelter, I was a brand new baby life coach. I was nervous about sharing my personal story and I did not know where to begin.

So I decided to share the three precious truths that I have learnt in my path to self-healing and empowerment. I had a powerpoint and a very able friend/trained counselor to back me up.

It was messy because of the various interpretations required due to language barrier. Otherwise,

it was a soulful success.

Everyone got something valuable out of our time together.

Fast forward one year later, same story. This time, backed up by Choice Theory, role plays preparation, another able assistant/trained Choice Theory practitioner and my book, From Zero to Shakti.

Wow, how things have changed.

Same story,

more powerful storytelling style.

We got off on a nice start, with everyone warming up at the self introduction segment. The atmosphere had a nose dive from the moment we showed the book video.

It was intentional.

This is not going to be a feel-good ra-ra talk. It was designed to be

a tough love, reality check workshop.

It was challenging, as we navigate through the emotional ups and downs of our audience.

But it worked. Sure, there were some tears, even mini breakdowns. But it was clear,

the message hit home.

All that was suppressed and hidden rose quickly to the surface.

To be healed and in time, addressed.

Based on the feedback we got and what was shared on the success board, there was no shadow of doubt, it was another impactful session. This year,

more potent than ever.

We left

with our hearts overflowing.

Proud of our work and most of all,

proud of the women who showed up and

showed their broken hearts to be healed.

Pure magic this morning.

FROM PARTICIPANTS IN THE WORKSHOP

From a thoughtful mother

From the youngest participant, a 15 years old who wrote,

‘Today I learnt to manage my emotions.’

FROM THE WOMEN FROM YOUNG WOMEN LEADERSHIP CONNECTION

I am grateful. For the work that I do. And I will do it more passionately from henceforth, for the priceless abundance I receive, every time I stepped into the arena. In the name of love.

  • Check out my book site here.
  • Check out Choice Talk, What’s Your Story? Workshop here.

~ Igniting Kick Ass Lives ~

Namaste,

Joy

 

Shakti on Fire (SOF) – Radical Sacred Life Summit

When was the last time you felt TOTALLY in sync with your
– Intuition,
– Love,
– Sensuality and
– Sense of peace?

Have you been betrayed, feel lost or anxious?

Are you ready for some “taboo topic” talk?

You might be feeling unloved, broken or stuck, right this very moment.

You probably have experienced life transitions and situations that have weighed on you.


When was the last time you put YOU FIRST

and really took care of

your body, mind and spirit like THIS?

I can help, and I’m not alone. I’ve just joined up with a team of experts and we are going to make a difference.

I was recently called to be on an event with world-wide reach; with over a dozen incredible life-thinkers and problem solvers who’ve come together at the request of my friend Michele Paiva, a licensed psychotherapist and coach who has taught and guided hundreds people on every continent.

Catch me on Day 4 as I speak about women empowerment and how you can use inspired action to bring life to the next level.
Join us!
http://www.michelepaiva.com/Joy

The Radical Sacred Life Summit: Awaken Intuition, Experience Love, Stop Anxiety
http://www.michelepaiva.com/Joy

Begins April 30th (totally FREE ~with Certificate of Ascension Option!)
Click here to get connected to your truth again!
http://www.michelepaiva.com/Joy

Namaste.
With all my Shakti love,

Joy
~ Igniting Kick Ass Lives ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AMAZON ALERT!

Check out my brand new book ‘From Zero to Shakti’
A woman’s search for rebirth and redemption.
Now available on Amazon Kindle!
Review on Amazon –
‘The author is very brave, disclosing her personal challenges and the solutions she created. I admire her unselfish sharing, and her courage in undertaking her personal quest.
She traveled a long distance to a special place, and even braved a fire walk–something difficult to imagine. She tells her story in an absorbing way. This book is charming.’

– Shearon B (Australia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*** Take the first step to your GOALS here!

P.S. Why did I describe my life as a blank canvas? Check out my 10mins podcast interview at The Tao of Confidence. 

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

Check out coaching with Joy.
~~~~~~~~

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

Free Chapter Giveaway of From Zero to Shakti on Amazon

An inspiring story of a woman’s path to self-healing and empowerment. It depicts her determination to release the limiting stories that held her hostage ever since she was a child.

You will be riveted by the whirlwinds of trials and tribulations she had to wrestled with, as she go half across the world on her own to reclaim her own soul.

Experience her moments of terror as she desperately circumvent one crisis after another.

Indulge in her waves of joy as she unpeels layer after layer of her shame, her pain and her inauthenticity.

Join her in her triumph from Zero to Shakti as she blaze her way through rebirth and redemption, in a consummation of a firewalk in the desert.

Foreword by Dr Mel Gill, bestselling author of The Meta Secret

     

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grab a free Chapter Giveaway of my book on Amazon, ‘From Zero to Shakti’.

Time to like my FB Author page and grab your free chapter!

Buy ‘From Zero to Shakti’ here.

P.S. ~ Get your free Step 1 of Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program and my latest kick ass updates here.​ ~

Namaste.
With all my Shakti love,

Joy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Review on Amazon

Grab your copy here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*** Take the first step to your GOALS here!

P.S. Why did I describe my life as a blank canvas? Check out my 10mins REBIRTH podcast interview at The Tao of Confidence. 

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

Check out coaching with Joy.
~~~~~~~~

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

Kick Ass 14 – Why You Should Not Create Your Vision Board

Let’s face it, the idea of a vision board is a chore. I can think of so many reasons why one should not be creating your own vision board.

Can you think of any?

Let me tell you three.

RESOURCES

The whole point is to create a

vision board that is awesome

and makes you go wow yes?

Then be prepared for what lies ahead. You have to search high and low to find different magazines, in order to find the pictures that you have in mind.

If you live in a magazine-less house like me in this digital age, good luck on that.

You will have to be a maniac scavenger of magazines,

robbing the poor aunty, who needs to sell them for a livelihood.

Then again, of course you can head out to the nearest newsstand and buy all the available magazines.

So even if you succeed in laying your hands on a handful of magazines,

there is no guarantee

that you will be able to find all the images that you have in mind.

If you find images that you like on the internet, you will have to print them. And hey! It’s your vision board, surely you are not going to print all of them in black and white?

Expensive much?

TIME

It is an extremely time consuming activity. Unless you want to end up with a pathetic looking vision board, you have to really

pin yourself down

for a significant big chunk of time

to make it work.

The preparation time alone is not to be snort at. You need time to analyze the type of pictures you want for all the different sections in the vision board. Time is required to gather your pile of magazines, newspapers and what’s not.

You might want to spend time looking through the internet, Instagram, Pinterest to find your picture perfect images.

Ah wait!

you still have to print them too. And if it is not the right shape/size, you will have to spend time cutting and trimming it.

PATIENCE

Finally, you are ready for the actual creation process. Depending on how big your board is and how much material you have collected, you will have to figure out how to fit everything together.

Meaning that there is going to be

multiple attempts to arrange and rearrange and possibly starting from scratch too.

Now that you have decided where everything should be, you have to paste every item, one by one, and making sure that everything can be seen clearly. It should be organized and pleasing to the eye.

Hmmm so there,

  • Do you have what it takes to make your own vision board?
  • Can you visualize yourself going through all the hurdles to reach your vision board?
  • Do you have the time, resources AND patience to make it worth your while?

I can tell you. I don’t.

I was born impatient.

It is my non-existence virtue. I don’t even like magazines, much less own them. It is going to be a real hassle to try to locate them, and I am definitely not going to buy magazines, just so that I can cut them.

Or worse,

now I have to make more time to read the magazines I bought to ‘justify’ in my mind that it was worth the expense.

That is why I created my version of the vision board.

To me, my version is magic.

It does not consist of just pictures, so I don’t have to stress over finding enough relevant pictures to fill it up.

Yet, it is still colourful and stimulating to the eye.

Also, it consists of

words that are meaningful and powerful to me.

I like the idea of me writing them down then to pasting words I found from magazines, if I can even find them.

It just feels more authentic to me

and as an author, I definitely know the power of words. If it is my vision board and my special words,

I want my hand to be the pen-mistress,

not the paste-r.

So if you do not have the time, resources nor the patience like me and yet, would fancy having your own vision board, then

join me in my Vision Board Magic webinar

so I can let you in on my secrets.

 

I will show you how I managed to create my inspiring vision board iwth minimal time and resources

As a bonus, I will also show you

powerful tips to ensure your vision board is easily accessible in your daily life.

No, you won’t be carrying your board wherever you go.

So, impatient and busy people, see you at the Vision Board Magic Webinar. 🙂

SIGN UP HERE!

P.S. ~ Get your free Step 1 of Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program and my latest kick ass updates here.​ ~

Your Kick Ass Coach,

Joy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AMAZON ALERT!

Check out my brand new book ‘From Zero to Shakti’
A woman’s search for rebirth and redemption.
Now available on Amazon Kindle!
Review on Amazon –
‘The author is very brave, disclosing her personal challenges and the solutions she created. I admire her unselfish sharing, and her courage in undertaking her personal quest.
She traveled a long distance to a special place, and even braved a fire walk–something difficult to imagine. She tells her story in an absorbing way. This book is charming.’

– Shearon B (Australia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*** Take the first step to your GOALS here!

P.S. Why did I describe my life as a blank canvas? Check out my 10mins podcast interview at The Tao of Confidence. 

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

Check out coaching with Joy.
~~~~~~~~

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).