Shakti on Fire (SOF) 17 – Joy of Serving You

Joy Leng interview at iCrystal

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  • Having issues that is not resolving?

  • Struggling to find authenticity and balance in your life?

  • Wishing for more joy and peace of mind?

  • Needing someone to be fully present, compassionate and skilled who will listen, respect your intuition and interested in moving you up the scale of well-being?

I’m here. And it’s my joy to serve you.

Arise and awake my sweet Goddess on Fire. 🙂

Smile. Be kind to yourself.

Let’s get started today!

Here’s to your soul elevation!

Thanks for reading.

*** The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. I dare you to take on the Self Compassion 7 Days Challenge and the Authentic U Quiz!
Let’s start flexing our self-love muscles. Are you in or out?
P.S. Check out my 17mins podcast interview too at Love Is A Verb. 🙂

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

Check out coaching with Joy.

 

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P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..

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10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

Joylight 44 – Positive Addiction Chapter 2 (Book Review)

Greetings from Joylight!

Chapter 2 – Positive Addiction – How anyone, weak or strong, can gain strength

Reference: The Boys of Summer, Roger Kahn (Book)

The chapter started by describing a major league baseball player George “Shotgun” Shuba and how he got his “natural” swing. When he was a young child, he decided on his own to improve his swing for a chance to be a major league ballplayer.

This is an extract: He swing the bat for a period of time, probably three or four months, on pure willpower, then slowly, with no awareness, he became addicted to this exercise.

If he missed swinging the bat he felt some kind of pain or misery or upset, perhaps some anxiety or guilt, some discomfort, which was sufficient to push him to do it every day. The classic signs of addiction were there.

POSITIVE ADDICTION (PA) NEGATIVE ADDICTION
Increases mental strength Saps the strength from every other part of your life
Enjoys the addiction but does not dominate his life Totally involved in the addiction
Uses his extra strength to gain more love, more worth, more pleasure, more meaning, more zest from life in general Given up on finding love and worth
Gains mental strength to help accomplish whatever he tries to do more successfully Satisfied completely to live for his addiction, to the exclusion of everything else.
*** Especially valuable because it is a way in which anyone by himself can increase his strength Destructive because the addict has given up on human connections and has no other motivation in life.
Not something you do all day long, only for a reasonable amount of time (ie. An hour/day) Occupies you practically all the time
Feels lousy but does good Feels good but does harm

Advantages of PA

Every other way in which we gain strength depends on others, either for more love or more recognition, but no matter how lonely or how worthless you may be, if you can become positively addicted you can gain strength.

You can then use this strength to gain

more love and more worth.

If we could learn through positive addiction to break the vicious cycle of weakness, then anyone strong or weak, with no more friends or recognition than he or she now has, could become stronger.

Today I believe that meditation, transcendental or otherwise, is a form, albeit a mental form rather than a physical form, of positive addiction.

The PA State

What goes on within positive addicts’ minds feels extremely good, and this particular pleasure which when they experience it becomes extremely important to them, can’t be obtained easily or as well in any other way.

While the activity itself may be grueling or boring, it causes a pleasurable mental effect while it goes on, and often after that makes the whole experience so pleasing that it is addicting.

It is this state of mind, the process of letting your mind go, letting your mind spin free, the PA state of mind, that the exercisers reach indirectly and that the meditators are trying to reach directly. That is the core of positive addiction.

Whatever the state of positive addiction is, it is almost always easier to reach it if you decide to do whatever you do on your own.

The PA state is

a state of oneness,

not a group experience.

Conditions for PA to occur

Not all who attempt any potential PA activity like meditation or running will reach PA. One has to keep going a long time on faith.

Most PA activities are quickly beneficial whether or not the practitioner reaches the PA state of mind regularly. It feels good and it hurts when they stop.

It is significant that positive addiction, like all good things in life, is most open to people who

  • have the strength to stick to it. It takes strength
  • to make the commitment to yourself – and
  • it really must be to yourself and not to someone else (personal initiative) to do your addictive thing
  • for a sufficient period of time to reach PA.

It also maybe possible that the PA state cannot be reached by everyone in the same way.

Summary of PA

  • A positive addiction is something that people choose to do, physical or mental.
  • They believe it has some value for them, and it is something that they can do on their own. It is something they believe has enough worth to put about an hour a day into doing, perhaps in one period, usually in no more than two.
  • It is something that they think they can become proficient in doing.
  • It has an inherent value in itself so that they will stick to it long enough to reach the PA state. Which could take between 6-24months.
  • Once they have reached PA it is easily recognized by the fact that if they attempt to stop the activity they suffer withdrawal, some sort of pain, discomfort, anxiety, or guilt that is satisfactorily relieved only by resuming the activity.

Quality of Non-Judgment

Reference: Game of Tennis, W.Timothy Gallwey (Book)

Gallwey attempts to teach his students not to criticize themselves. He claims that we have to learn to play an existential game, to take each shot for itself,

observing but not concerning ourselves

with where the last shot went,

good or bad.

We should try to develop a sense of detachment about everything except our immediate shot.

He says that when any good athlete is able to get himself into the “out-of-his-mind state” he is then able to play an almost perfect existential or Zen game.

Melissa Hayden, a ballet dancer, described that the PA state of the mind flows with the body.

He then plays over his head because he is out of his head.

The ability to become non-self-critical and at the same time try to improve (which seems to be, but in Zen is not, a contradiction in terms) is a crucial factor that makes it possible to reach the PA state regularly enough to become positively addicted.

Therefore I believe that for anyone to go “out of his mind”, to let his brain spin free in whatever activity he is in, physical or mental, he must learn to engage in the activity in a non-self-critical way.

Not only must we not compete with others, we must learn not to compete with ourselves if we wish to reach the PA state. That means even as we try to improve we must be careful not to criticize ourselves in the process.

Only if he can learn to relax and flow along, to accept himself in what he is doing, to have confidence, will he eventually improve and be able to reach PA.

How we criticize ourselves, however, is vitally important because we must learn to direct our criticism at those activities which it is possible to correct: otherwise we will be too hard on ourselves and may lock ourselves into failure.

In most instances there are ways you can improve if you are strong enough not to let the pain push into irrational acts. The beautiful part of positive addiction is that whatever it is we ordinarily don’t need it.

It is an extra we choose to do.

It is still important to have at least one activity that is ours, in which we can accept ourselves completely. We may not reach PA but we will get a great deal of welcome peace and relaxation that we all need.

Love and PA

While in a good love relationship we should and usually do experience the PA state, I don’t believe many of us experience it consistently enough or long enough for it to be addicting.

There is a difference between a pleasurable biopsychological need and an addiction, and love and sex are much more the former than the latter.

Love isn’t addicting because love between mortals rarely exists for any period of time without criticism, which almost always results in self-criticism, usually quite a bit.

In the beginning of love there are usually traces of the PA state which add a pleasure component over and above what we ordinarily experience, and in any good relationship it continues to occur on special, warm occasions but never on a regular enough basis to reach addiction.

It is almost impossible to become addicted to any activity that is in any way judged by others. One can have long and deep relationships yet not reach addiction.

Positive addiction in all its existing forms, it will be something you do alone. It does not depend on others.

Review by Joy Leng

Here’s to your elevation!

“Since I started on this journey with Joy to work on my goals, she has helped me to become a more confident person. Joy ensures that the goal I set is what I really wanted by skilfully asking me probing and investigative questions.

She also equips me with the required skills and support necessary in obtaining my goals. She is genuinely concerned and interested in her clients and definitely goes the extra mile to support them.”
– Trina Wong (April 2016)

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Thanks for reading.

*** The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. I dare you to take on the Self Compassion 7 Days Challenge. Let’s start flexing our self-love muscles. Are you in or out?

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).
 

 

SoulFul 30 -Haruka Nishimatsu

Source – cdn.inquisitr

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The airline industry is going through rough times, but Japan Airlines is still managing to fly high, winning the “Airline Turnaround Award” from the Center for Asia Pacific Aviation.

JAL’s chief executive is largely responsible for maneuvering his company through aggressive reforms as he takes “sharing the pain” to a whole new level.

After his morning commute on the city bus, Haruka Nishimatsu heads into the office and gets busy at his desk with the rest of his Japan Airlines co-workers.

At lunch, he lines up in the cafeteria and hopes his meal doesn’t get cold as he waits to pay.  It’s not exactly the glamourous life you’d expect from the CEO of one of the world’s top ten international airlines.

Perhaps that’s why, then JAL slashed jobs and asked older employees to retire early, Nishimatsu cut every single one of this corporate perks.  Then for three years running he slashed his own pay.  He made about $90,000 last year, less than what his pilots earn.

Nishimatsu says, “The employees who took early retirement are the same generation and age as me.  I thought I should share the pain with them.  So I changed my salary.”

Nishimatsu shrugs it off, saying it’s not a big deal.  But that certainly stands in contrast to CEOs in the United States being grilled by Congress over perceived corporate excesses and balooning salaries and bonuses.

When Nishimatsu was told the top-paid U.S. CEOs make tens of millions, in some cases nearly $200 million a year, he expressed surprise, and when he was asked whether he could imagine making that much, he said, “Noooo.”

In Japan, says Nishimatsu, there’s less of a pay gap between the top and the bottom:  “We in Japan learned during the bubble economy that businesses who pursue money first fail.  The business world has lost sight of this basic tenet of business ethics.”

He says his airline has a long, difficult recovery ahead.  As far as his pay, he’s dug into his savings like many other people.  “The air conditioning broke, and the water heater, and the car. My wife is still telling me, this is all your fault.”

But relating to what his employees and his passengers are feeling and living in the global slowdown might be the ticket to his own airline’s survival.

Source – wdrb.com

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He made the choice to cut his own bonuses. His need to care for others by sharing the pain of the troubled times was greater than the need for material comforts.

What an inspirational example of leading by example. 🙂

  • How have you been doing that in your own life?
  • How can you up it one small notch?

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
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  • Need someone to talk to?
  • Seek clarity to your thoughts?
  • Refocus on your life goals?​​
  • Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?
Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.
The sky is only the beginning.
Email – me@joyleng.com

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

Empowered Life Coaching App

Joylight Logo Square

Greetings from Joylight!

This app has been created to share valuable information to empower you.

And the best part is this, it’s FREE! 🙂

The two main modalities are NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and CTRT (Choice Theory Reality Therapy).

The approach adopted is evidence-based life coaching.

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Fire-in-My-Heart-6-2053

These information can help you gain insights on

– How and why of your thoughts and behaviours

– How your perception of yourself and others can be altered

– How to get your desired outcomes

– Simple tools to be more effective and efficient in your daily life

– Secret to having more nurturing and connected relationships

– The power of your choices and by extension, their consequences ….

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ON your Joylight.

Download it today! 🙂

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Need someone to talk to?
  • Seek clarity to your thoughts?
  • Refocus on your life goals?
  • Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?
Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.
The sky is only the beginning.
Email – me@joyleng.com

For more information on my background

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SoulFul 28 – Her Love Power For Me

Screenshot_2015-05-18-19-41-22-1

 I wander on these crowded roads

Wander through these streets

Lie in fields of lonely rows

Sown in empty seed.

And what I need

Is the power of a woman

The healing of her touch

Those eyes that bring redemption

To every one of us.

And all I need

Is the summer of her solace

The fall of her gaze

The winter snows of her concerns

That blossoms spring to change.

I need her hand to guide me

To a higher star

And hold me back again

When I have strayed too far.

And when that commotion hurries

This world to disarray

Give me the power of a woman.

____________________________________________

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Need someone to talk to?
  • Seek clarity to your thoughts?
  • Refocus on your life goals?​​
  • Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?
Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.
The sky is only the beginning.
Email – me@joyleng.com

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

Joylight 30 – What are the similiarities of counselling and coaching?

Source – atsmedia

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Greetings from Joylight!

Last week, we talked about the differences between counselling and coaching. So I thought today we can have a short post about the similarities between the two. smart-goal-dart-target

Source – leanblitzconsulting

1. Ultimate Goal

Be it counselling or coaching, it is still an active act from the client to move towards development and an increased sense of well-being.

Both share the same empowering idea that positive change is a driving force. (Dianne, 2006)

2. Professional Skills

The professional skills required have much overlaps. The counselor/coach needs to have active listening, questioning, feedback and observational skills. He/she has to build rapport, monitor progress and encourage the client to move forward to his/her desired outcomes.

3. Relationship

The relationship between the coach and the coachee or the counselor and the counseled are of utmost importance. Without rapport and trust, nothing significant can be achieved. The client needs to like the one who is guiding him/her and trust him/her enough to confide and to be led.

4. Commitment

Commitment in both kind of professional relationship is required from all parties involved. If the coach/counselor is not committed, the client has little chance of achieving his/her desired outcomes. Likewise, if the client is not committed, the coach/counselor has no way of assisting the client to achieve what he/she wants because ultimately, it is the client who has to do the real work for results to materialize.

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Hope this together with the previous post will help you gain a greater understanding to what kind of help you or your loved one needs.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Need someone to talk to?
  • Seek clarity to your thoughts?
  • Refocus on your life goals?
  • Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?
Contact me for a free 30 minutes session. You are not alone.
The sky is only the beginning.
Email – me@joyleng.com

For more information on my background For Our Children (FOC) initiative

Joy’s Insights 9 – Be stronger than the world

During my summer trip to Vienna last year, I had the chance to go to my first opera in Wiener Staatsoper. The play was The Tempest by Shakespeare. It was meaningful for me because I studied this play for my Diploma in English with UOL. I remembered how it tortured me. Seeing it in opera format would definitely give me a new perspective. Indeed, it did.

20150615_004541

During the play, I was struck by how much external control psychology (ECP) was going on. The whole play was bleeding it everywhere. Prospero (the main protagonist) was revengeful and hurt.

He still held on to so much pain and wanted to use his power to have his revenge for the usurpation of his dukedom. What was most fascinating for me was not the play. It was my own perspective.

I was utterly amazed at how much it has evolved. It was as if like a different person was viewing the play. I recall feeling very sympathetic towards Prospero and agreeing with all his actions. But the Joy now asks,

‘What could be a better way to deal with the pain?’

I was acutely aware that all his lines were about what others did TO him, how much he suffered and how much they demand the punishment that he is bestowing on them now.

Does bringing pain to others really help to alleviate your own pain?

I suspect that it might not be a foolproof plan. More often than not, I think you end up inflicting more pain on yourself as a result of your own choice.

As I think through all the plays I had to study in those years, I recognized that a common thread screams loud and clear.

Revenge, violence, tragedy. In short, it’s an ECP galore.

Given that plays were one of the main form of entertainment in those times. And even then soap operas remains a hot favourite form of amusement for many cultures, it is no wonder that we are so so deeply entrenched in ECP.

To raise above it all demands that you be a better you.

It demands commitment and discipline.

It demands time and awareness.

It demands that you be stronger than the world.

And clearly, this is no task for the faint-hearted.

But if not you, who?

If not now, when?

I feel a better appreciation of myself and all who practise Choice Theory because it is not an easy feat to choose to embrace Choice Theory as a way of life.

Neither is it easy to choose again everyday, that today, I will choose Choice Theory.

Challenging as it may be, there are indeed such brave souls around us who is making that choice.

To be stronger than the world.

What about you?

In a world whose stronghold is ECP, where do you stand?

What is your choice?

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Thanks for reading.

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring speaker sharing truths from real life experience.

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

 

RECHARGE 4 – Do It Anyway

Model | www.joyleng.com

MUA | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography

Outfit | SensUal Wear​

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People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. 
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. 
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. 
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. 
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. 
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. 
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. 
It was never between you and them anyway.

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Need someone to talk to?
  • Seek clarity to your thoughts?
  • Refocus on your life goals?​​
  • Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?
Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.
The sky is only the beginning.
Email – me@joyleng.com

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

 

 

SoulFul 24 – Why do We Shout in Anger

Source – offoindia

A Hindu saint and his disciples were visiting the Ganges river, where they found a group of family members on the banks shouting in anger at each other. Turning to his disciples, the saint smiled and asked,

‘Why do people in anger shout at each other?’

His disciples thought for a while. One of them finally said, ‘Because when we lose our calm, we shout.’

‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you?’ countered the saint. ‘You can just as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’

His disciples thought about it some more, but could not come up with a satisfactory answer.

Finally the saint explained,

‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other, in order to cover that great distance.

But what happens when two people fall in love?

They don’t shout at each other but instead talk very softly because their hearts are very close.

The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small. And when they love each other even more, what happens?

They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only need to look at each other and that’s all.

That is how close two people are when they love each other.

So when you argue, do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’

Source – quora.com

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I find this story very touching. And it does make sense to me. Why do we need to shout at someone who is right beside us? And yet, I have to plead guilty on more than one occasion.

I certainly feel far from connected with the person whenever that happens. It is also always so tempting to react because of all the rush and the strength of the negative emotions erupting inside you.

Also at the moment, the brain screams how justified we are to react the way we are because of what he/she did or said. We lost our own power and become prisoners of external circumstance.

Without will-power and awareness, it will be impossible to attempt to go against your basic instinct.

Still, I have tried. Sometimes I failed.

Then for the first time, I succeeded. I’ve got to say, it felt sooooo good.

There is so much power when you practise self control and be master/mistress of yourself.

Then I succeeded. Again. And then again.

Certainly not easy every time. But it does get easier.

But you must begin.

Try. And fail.

It’s ok.

Then try again.

There is such power in taking the first step.

To personal greatness.

Choose to be kind to yourself. 🙂

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Here’s to your elevation!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading.

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

~~~~~~~

‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

~~~~~~~~


P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE

Ready to serve if you
  • Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
  • Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
  • Are looking for an inspiring speaker sharing truths from real life experience.

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for

  • Yourself or
  • For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).

 

SoulFul 23 – An Elephant And The Blind Men

Source – Wordinfo

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Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, “Hey, there is an elephant in the village today.”

They had no idea what an elephant is. They decided, “Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway.” All of them went where the elephant was. Everyone of them touched the elephant.

“Hey, the elephant is a pillar,” said the first man who touched his leg.

“Oh, no! it is like a rope,” said the second man who touched the tail.

“Oh, no! it is like a thick branch of a tree,” said the third man who touched the trunk of the elephant.

“It is like a big hand fan” said the fourth man who touched the ear of the elephant.

“It is like a huge wall,” said the fifth man who touched the belly of the elephant.

“It is like a solid pipe,” Said the sixth man who touched the tusk of the elephant.

They began to argue about the elephant and everyone of them insisted that he was right. It looked like they were getting agitated. A wise man was passing by and he saw this. He stopped and asked them, “What is the matter?” They said, “We cannot agree to what the elephant is like.”

Each one of them told what he thought the elephant was like. The wise man calmly explained to them, “All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all those features what you all said.”

“Oh!” everyone said. There was no more fight. They felt happy that they were all right.

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Need someone to talk to? Seek clarity to your thoughts? Refocus on your life goals?​
​ Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?
Contact me for a free 30 minutes session. You are not alone.
Email – me@joyleng.com​
For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative