How would you rate yourself as a human being?
In the past, I would rate myself a negative 5.
Why? Oh boy, don’t even get me started. Pathetic from the beginning.
Decidedly abandon-worthy by mum at a tender age, grew up as a kid with scoliosis, never successful in friendships with female classmates in my primary school, achieved a nasty tomboy reputation by getting into fights with the boys.
Hated school, hated home, hated myself, cannot decide which I hated more.
Probably the latter.
When I played soccer, I will always score my own goals and I will be the highest scorer. Nobody ever wanted me to be in their team. In my secondary school years, I stayed with my first boyfriend and ran away from home.
What was there to celebrate in life? Nothing.
I dragged my feet around, wondering why I was born and what’s the point of it all.
Growing up, I got into several utterly disastrous relationships. One was a married man, who kept his marriage a secret for months. I was stalked and threatened by the suffering wife. Another was a psychopath lawyer, who acted all loving and devoted to me, in front of others while scheming a loan letter to be made, secretly under my name.
Next came a man who seemed to be such a perfect match with me, but is secretly a sadist sending explicitly sexual texts and images to his ex and making adulterous moves to other women in the course of our relationship.
Life sucks big time.
But what if I can write the same life story authentically, still mine and it can look radically different.
Doubt so? So let’s give it a shot.
My mother had enough faith in me as an individual, even as a young child and she decided that I will thrive in life even without her support. I will be able to do so more than my younger sister. And she is so right. I did.
Because of the emotional challenges I faced growing up, being a child aware of my adoption, I became stronger, more resilient and determined an individual. I had too much pride to fail. And I also have a lot of empathy of others who are in pain.
As a newly adopted ‘only child’, I had no one to turn to, so I turned to my books for solace. I escaped into the literary fictional world of Jackson 5, Roald Dahl, Nancy Drew and the likes. It was a seductive world, where I spend more of my waking moments than in the real world.
That thoroughly exasperated my new parents. But I did not scare. I felt safe here. I got lost in another world, where I was not ‘unwanted’. Because of that, my love and my command of the English language became a deeply rooted vein in my life. And it had also helped propelled me in life.
Because of my need to prove my worth to myself, to my family and to the world, I started one of the first pole-dancing studio in Singapore, SensUal Joy, in 2005. I also started the school in defiance, despite of the fact that I had moderate scoliosis. I wanted to go against the status quo.
Who is to say what I can or cannot do?
Deliciously scandalous, it was such an uphill task but I loved it. It was the first bravest thing I had ever done for myself. SensUal Joy helped to reclaim my sense of self. It taught me that
I was capable of so much more.
In a desperate, never-ending strive to justify my worth, I became obsessed with learning. I worked in companies, that promoted motivational learning, I grab anything that I could possibly lay my hands on to learn and to give me an edge. I grab every opportunity to go for free or subsided seminars. I was so ravenous for knowledge, so thirsty for acceptance.
In the process of it all, I became genuinely in love with learning and education. What was derived from
a sad person’s lack of self-esteem
into a beautiful tree of knowledge.
That has enabled me to be an accredited life coach today and a certified warrior goddess facilitator. It has also entrenched so deeply in me the value of education that I started a fund raising group, For Our Children, to raise money to build schools in third world countries.
Who would have guessed?
Carrying this hidden sense of shame and worthlessness for the last thirty years, had crescendoed into a pilgrimage of the soul, to Sedona by myself, with the intention of rebirth. It resulted in an exciting solo trip, half across the world, ridden with a series of unfortunate incidents, including a serious health scare, only to come home, purified and reborn.
The best part is that, it brought about the birth of my first book, From Zero to Shakti, now available on Amazon.
Thanks to my shame and my pain,
I have fulfilled my childhood dream of being an author.
Kind of kick ass isn’t it?
Having been cheated in so many different forms and shapes by men, I had tasted all the different textures and layers of betrayal, shame, pain, bitterness, tears, blood, and very dark nights of the soul.
But it only propelled me to keep rising like the relentless wave. Ever rising, ever moving. It had inspired my vision in life, the uprising of one million Shaktis-on-Fire. The empowerment of one million women who will pay it forward.
So there, I have told you
two different stories.
Same life. Same person. Me.
Which story is true?
Which one empowers me?
Which perspective am I embracing in life?
That is a constant moment-by-moment choice.
Are you the victim or the victor?
Sometimes, they are one and the same.
You get to choose!
What is your old story?
What is your new story?
Be the author of the right story.
Give yourself the gift of an empowering life story today.
Here’s to your soul elevation!
~ Get your free Step 1 of Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program and my latest kick ass updates here. ~
Thanks for reading.
Check out my brand new book ‘From Zero to Shakti’ –
A woman’s search for rebirth and redemption.
Now available on Amazon Kindle!
Review on Amazon –
‘The author is very brave, disclosing her personal challenges and the solutions she created. I admire her unselfish sharing, and her courage in undertaking her personal quest.
She traveled a long distance to a special place, and even braved a fire walk–something difficult to imagine. She tells her story in an absorbing way. This book is charming.’
– Shearon B (Australia)
*** How often do you say yes when you meant no? Or say no when you meant yes? Take the free Authentic U Quiz to find out.
P.S. Check out my 17mins podcast interview too at Love Is A Verb.
Your Transformational Coach,
‘Empowering heart-centered women since 2005’
“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.
She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.
If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida
P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE
Ready to serve if you
- Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
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- Are looking for an inspiring storyteller sharing truths from real life experience..
Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com for
- Yourself or
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10% of my net profit goes to support For Our Children (FOC).
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