“I met Joy through CTRT training and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy. She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive. As a practitioner in emotional healing I’m usually on the giving end, so it was wonderful to be on the receiving end for a change! If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!” – Rimi Yoshida
Greetings from Joylight!
I am Joy,a storyteller , dancer of life and a midwife for Shaktis-on-Fire.
Have you ever felt that there has got to be more to life than the daily grinding that you are experiencing now?
Have you ever wish that life can magically freeze in time so you can have time to breath?
Do you secretly wish for more joy in your life and more space to enjoy not being a wife, a daughter-in-law or a mother, but just simply, enjoy being a woman?
Are you a woman who is
tired of feeling constantly stressed out,
who wants to find a sense of balance in her life and
who wants to have sacred space in her life celebrate the joy of being a woman?
You are at the right place. 🙂 I dream the same for you. My desire is to empower you to
~ RECHARGE your life source~ RENEW your life focus and~ REIGNITE your goddess-hood.
Arise now sweet Shakti-on-Fire! It’s time for us to take a pivotal pilgrimage into your inner landscape & awaken your Shakti on Fire (SOF). Start your coaching today.
How much do you know about yourself?
Using DiSC personality profiling, we will discover more about you and your motivations. Let’s investigate what excites this Shakti-on-Fire and what strengths you possess that we can unleash powerfully into your life and into the world.
I am here to serve.
Same reason why I was inspired to start For Our Children (FOC) Singapore to raise funds to build schools for children in third world countries. Serving is my way of life. There is no you versus me. There is only us. One consciousness.
QUALIFIED TO SERVE
I am trained in / am a
Psychology (BA in Psychology with Edith Cowan University)
Certified Associate Coach (CAC)
Choice Theory Reality Therapy (William Glasser Institute)
Business Studies(Ngee Ann Poly)
English (University of London)
Make Up Artistry (Cosmoprof)
Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (CELTA) (Cambridge)
Certified Warrior Goddess facilitator, trained by Heather Ash Amara (Author of Warrior Goddess Way)
SheDance facilitator, trained by Areeradh K Tri-siddha (Founder of SheDance)
Decisive actions is the pathway to success.
That is where I come in and be a co-creator for your action plan on how you, the awakened Shakti-on-Fire is going to live as your highest self and what wondrous manifestations would you want to bless yourself and others with .
I know about pitch black holes.
I was an adopted child who spend a lifetime struggling with my sense of abandonment and worthlessness. So trust me, I know about self limiting beliefs. I will share with you what has worked for me using the power of authenticity and self-compassion. No dark place is too dark for a candle to be lit. Are you, the sleeping goddess ready to shine a light now on your pitch black hole? 🙂 My GOAL is for you to experience the power & freedom of an empowered mind and activate your natural strengths as a Shakti-on-Fire. THAT IS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT.
I am ready and eager.
to use my skills, abilities, passion and life experiences to empower you. ONLY if you are willing to commit. An unwilling and uncommitted goddess will not be able to serve her’s and the world’s highest good. Start your coaching today.So, How ready are you, sweet goddess, to be – Open to creative methods (let’s play!)? – Have a committed and ‘can do!’ attitude? – Be willing to UNravel your old self and UNlearn the self limiting beliefs that you have hold on to as self identity? In short, are you ready for a rebirth? My vision is the uprising of one million Shakti-on-Fire. Are you one of us? Book your coaching here.
“Since I started on this journey with Joy to work on my goals, she has helped me to become a more confident person. Joy ensures that the goal I set is what I really wanted by skilfully asking me probing and investigative questions.
She also equips me with the required skills and support necessary in obtaining my desired outcomes. She is genuinely concerned and interested in her clients and definitely goes the extra mile to support them.”
I believe that coaching can be fun and productive at the same time. As a model, dancer, make up artiste and photographer, I know how empowering such arts have been on my self esteem and my well-being. I had personally benefited from using arts as a 16 year old lost girl to build my low self esteem. You can read about my story here. Hence, I can confidently say that these are methods worth exploring if you are seeking to awaken the Shakti-on-Fire within and activate the Divine Feminine. Hear what some goddesses have to about our playtime together! 🙂
– My dearest friend, thank you for making me into a beautiful phoenix when I most needed a change. You are one of the most amazing woman I know who would want to make another woman feel empowered and beautiful regardless of age or size. – Charlotte Lee
– I have done several bodypaint shoots with Joy and each time, she demonstrates a fresh streak of artistry and executes her make-up, body paint and hair styling competently. Every shoot stands out without fail, and they are never repeated. More importantly, Joy goes beyond just work; she creates strong relationships with others and builds up other ladies’ confidence with her positivism and encouragement. It is always an excitement to work with her. – Erica – Joy is my amazing make up artiste and my photographer for various photo-shoots for different themes. She does great work editing my photos and she sends them to me on time. Highly recommended. She is patient, diligent and knows her work well. Also, I have received many compliments on my hair and makeup from the shoots I have done with her. – Miri Yeo
– Joy has wonderful make up skills. I was very comfortable during the whole duration when she did my make up. She was astute in the selection of colours and shades for me, from the foundation to the eye shadow colours. I had a most radiant appearance by the time she was done with me. It was delightful to look at myself in the mirror. I was so thrilled. I am appreciative of her superb make up skills. Thank you Joy! – Miho 15 Feb 2015
– Joy is an excellent makeup artist and photographer. She will always discuss with me beforehand on the type of makeup and hairstyle for the shoots. Also, she has a good artistic sense. I especially love her choice of eye and lip colour. She uses colour that I will normally not apply but the effect always turned out wonderful. Be warned though, she always have an intense expression on her face during photoshoots but if you get over it you are guaranteed to have a lot of fun with her. – Kyoko – Joy, is different from the rest. It’s not just because she performs great makeup. It’s because she has helped me to build my confidence. She brings out the unexplored outer beauty in me and urges me to find the inner beauty by myself. – Christine August 2012 – ‘It was a pleasure working with Joy. I loved the make up she did on me and the photoshoot process. What I love most was the creative way she attempted to experiment with different hair styles and accessories. Also, I felt very comfortable because she was very patient with me being quite clueless as a new model, providing me with constant guidance and direction. – Catherine Lim Apr 2013 Come now sweet goddess, it’s time for us to play. 🙂 Let’s take action to create your kick ass life today.
Here’s to your elevation!
I have known Joy since 2002. Through these years, Joy has always impressed me as a passionate person, full of life fuelled by an intense desire to give backto the community in various ways.
Joy strikes me as a people person, possessing an innate ability to easily connectwith others. Perhaps, this stems from her keen interest in life, in general. I sense too that she endears herself to others through her attractive personality.
I also admire her resilience and drive. I believe these are the qualities that would put her in good stead whenever she is serving or helping. She is someone who not only possess the grit to overcome challengesbut the creativity to innovateas well.
– Dr John Tan (16 March 2005) Founder of CARE Singapore
Thanks for reading.
Check out my brand new book ‘From Zero to Shakti’ , foreword by Dr Mel Gill, best selling author of The Meta Secret.
Review on Amazon –
***The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. I dare you to take on the Self Compassion 7 Days Challenge. Let’s start flexing our self-love muscles. Are you in or out?
2017 came and went with a gush of wind. It is crazy but hey we are already in the beginnings of January 2018. And the first full moon of the year has already been in sight. Wow.
So how do you plan to go about your year ahead?
Do you have a plan?
What are your goals?
What precious insights from 2017 are you bringing with you to ensure that no mistakes are repeated, and lessons translate into goals manifestation?
If you are as impatient as I am, then I would suspect you are in a hurry to jump right into action, and do the first random thing that comes to mind. Resist the temptation. I repeat.
RESIST THE TEMPTATION.
I call this post/episode the 2018 Blockbuster Part 1 because this is the first of a two part series, where I will share how you can make 2018 a most spectacular blockbuster of a year for you, by setting it up right, from the start.
To be honest with you, even though I did my Vision Board for 2017, and because of that I had a pretty good idea what I wanted for the year.
While I also create some powerful tools to help extend my vision board into daily life, there were still parts from my vision board that did not manifest.
One of the reasons was because I did not deliberately reflect on the lessons learnt from the previous year, and include that into my goals and plans for the new year.
I refuse to repeat mistakes
that can be avoided.
With a little patience.
That is why I am making
First Stepper, Reflections that transform Life Lessons into Goals and Fulfillment
free for you.
Because my 2018 prayer for you is that you start your year not by seeking what’s outside of yourself. But that
you begin your journey
by going inwards.
By doing so, you will naturally gravitate authentically to what your heart is looking for.
Remember, the first step to what’s worthy is towards your heart. And
anything that takes you away from your heart robs you from true living.
Besides that being my prayer for you, how would pausing a moment to reflect help to supercharge your year?
1. Lessons from the past
Reflecting helps you to learn from the past, and cement the lessons from your experiences.
2. Avoid repeated mistakes.
There is a saying that says the first time you make a mistake, it is an accident. The second time you make the same mistake, it is on purpose. The third time you make that same mistake, it is no longer a mistake. It is a habit.
Mistake, intention or habit, you choose.
3. Gain insights
One precious gem about reflecting on the mistakes that we have made is that it gives us a deeper insight into something we have not noticed before. Or a different perspective on things that can become a game changer for us.
4. Pass it on
Reflecting allows us to share the lessons from our mistakes with others so that they don’t have to go the hard trodden road that we already did. Sharing is caring. Why reinvent the wheel?
5. Happiness in a can
Reflecting does not only apply to the negative episodes in our lives. It also extends to the happy experiences we have. Reflecting increases the joy we have gleaned from these experiences, and reminds us how to have more of it in our lives. It’s happiness in a can! 🙂
6. Sparks your creativity
Often times, when we reflect deeply on what has happened, the other possibilities that could have happened if things were done differently, you will suddenly have an intuitive hit! Creativity is heightened in your reflective state. Sparks can fly!
7. Know Thyself
Aristotle once said,
‘Knowing yourself is the
beginning of all wisdom.’
What better way than to reflect on your past feelings, thoughts and actions? 🙂
This is the Part 1 of your blockbuster magic tool. Using reflections from lessons learnt in 2017 to transform into 2018 goals and fulfillment.
Are you ready to activate your first blockbuster magic tool?
First Stepper is a free program which is Step 1 of a 12 Steps Goal Setting Program called Let’s Step! I am giving it free, to encourage you to use the power of reflections, to create a more meaningful and laser focused 2018 for yourself.
Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program has three Focus Areas to it, and each area has four steps to it. Given that First Stepper is part of Focus Area 1, I will just briefly share about the goal of Focus Area 1 of Let’s Step!
The goal of Focus Area 1 is to guide you to a place of raised awareness and clarity through
Reflecting the realization and wisdom that the recent past has to offer,
Defining the desired areas for change and for excellence,
Establishing powerful reinforcement structures, to ensure the highest possibility for the fulfillment of the goals you declared.
So speaking of reinforcement structures, as step 1 of Let’s Step! Program, First Stepper is the first reinforcement structure set in place, using the power of reflection.
American philosopher and psychologist John Dewey says,
“We do not learn from experience…
we learn from REFLECTING on experience.”
The positive effects on reflection was confirmed by a research done by the Harvard Business School indicating that
Dedicating time to reflect on your life and work regularly have an affect on performance.
Enters First Stepper, Reflections that transform Life Lessons into Goals and Fulfillment. 🙂
So before you dash off clueless into the the year, let’s take some time to reflect on how the last twelve months have been for you. The yeahs!, the eeeeks!, the should haves, the shouldn’t haves, and so on.
Let’s reflect and see what gems you can learn from it. By doing so, you can be sure that
when it’s time to set goals, you are doing it with crystal clarity.
You can be confident that when you have reached your goal, it is truly what you wanted because you took the extra crucial step to reflect, before setting your goal for the year.
Here, I will take you briefly through some of the questions in First Stepper that you can reflect on, with some personal examples to help you along.
However, you are encouraged to take First Stepper properly, and put yourself in a quiet environment where you can write down your answers, and do a proper full-fledged reflection.
In the last 12 months, what have been your greatest pride in work, family & friends, and personal development?
Personal development can be in the mental, physical and spiritual sense. It can also be however you are comfortable to define it. It’s your reflection piece for yourself! 🙂
What closure or completion from the last 12 months would you want to focus on finishing up in the next 12 months in terms of work, family & friends, and personal development?
What are the sacrifices you would be required to make, in order to make the completion mentioned in your previous answer?
What are the qualities you will need to cultivate in yourself in order to support the completion required?
E.g. Patience, Focus, Creativity.
For me, I will need to have endurance to stay the course, when things get tough. I need to cultivate a sense of initiative, taking the first step. In order to do that, I also need to manage my fear, that stops me from taking action.
I also need to have self awareness to manage my negative self talk and excuses, whenever it arises.
What is the worst thing that can happen if you do not complete what you set out to do?
Imagine that you have achieved your goal(s), how would you feel? How does it mean to you? What are the implications?
What was most exciting/satisfying about the last 12 months?
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
Why was it exciting?
What would be ONE word you would use to describe how you feel about it?
Going for my first bachata bootcamp in SILF was a huge accomplishment for me. Especially since I went into it thinking that it was a beginners bootcamp! I was petrified and utterly stressed out to be on stage performing in the front line in front of dancers. I was far from perfect but I did it. 🙂
I felt EXHILARATED!
If this is something that you would like to have more of, how would you want it to be better?
Or bring it to the next level?
What was most regrettable about the last 12 months?
What were you doing?
Who did it affect?
Why was it regrettable?
What would be ONE word you would use to describe how you feel about it?
If you were given a second chance, what are some of the things that you could have done differently in the last 12 months?
I would have made time to learn and experiment on how to be a better and more active listener. I would have researched on how I can make that happen, and actively practice and apply what I have learnt. I think it would have made great difference in my relationships with people.
What is the greatest learning lesson(s) you have gained from the last 12 months?
How would you translate that learning into your life? What practical steps will you take moving forward?
Looking at the last 12 months, when did you allow fear and doubts to hold you back from getting what you wanted?
What would you have done differently?
What was non-inspiring/dreadful for you about the last 12 months?
How do you intend to change it for the next 12 months?
In three words, describe the person that you were for the last 12 months.
My three words are learner, achiever, artiste.
In three words, describe the person that you are going to be in the next 12 months.
My three words are learner, influencer, artiste.
What is the difference, if any? Why the difference?
How are you going to materialize the difference?
If you have been seriously answering these questions meditatively and thoroughly, well done!
Congratulations, you are definitely on your way to transform precious life lessons learnt in 2017 into meaningful goals for 2018, that will led to immense satisfaction and fulfillment for you.
So take a deep breath, sleep over it too if you want to before coming back to review all that you have written.
From there, see what arises for you. New insights, goals and aspirations for the new year. Write it all down.
Listen to your heart.
Hold on to these precious notes for you will need them for the
next post/episode where I will reveal Blockbuster Part II.
Thank you for taking the time with me to reflect on your 2017 life lessons. I find the idea that I will not be repeating mistakes I made in 2017, because I made time to learn from it already very satisfying.
Sometimes the way to move forward is to move backwards. And
Sometimes the fastest way
is to move slow.
Don’t forget who won in the end! The tortoise! 😉
Let’s make your 2018 a most spectacular blockbuster year ever!
For those of you who have not been thorough in this exercise, don’t forget to get started properly on your First Stepper, Reflections that transform Life Lessons into Goals and Fulfillment.
In the cycles of our lives, there will be some beginnings that seem bubbling with beautiful promises. There is a delicious air of anticipation.
While it is definitely well and good to be motivated, with the exciting pulse of new possibilities, it is vital to remind ourselves that
nothing happens without
intention and commitment.
Oh, what a downer. But it isn’t. It means you get to play. Take out the blank canvas and dream.
What medium would you like to use?
What would you like to draw?
What kind of colour would you be using?
Possibilities are infinite.
The blank space is inviting you to
fill it up with what inspires you.
This is exactly how I view vision boards. They are such a powerful tool to employ in the beginning of the year, or in a new phase of your life. You engage your mind and your senses, to decide what are your goals for the way forward.
Investigate what inspires you, and is worth your time and effort. You prioritize them, and declare it on your vision board.
As I started working on mine,
I just got more and more energized.
There is so much power in putting down on paper what was till that point, merely drifting thoughts in my mind.
I observed the same response from my clients. As I guide them to imagine, and to claim what they want to be theirs,
their eyes sparkled.
It was so intoxicating for me to watch someone else weave their dreams into their vision board. Truly magical.
When it was all done, I heaved a sigh of relief and contentment. It felt like a huge brain dump. Except that what I was releasing, were very pleasing things that were close to my heart.
As I look intently at my vision board in its entirety, my heart started to sing. It was almost too much to bear, to gaze at all that I desire at one glance. I felt true soul magic at work.
I also felt the newfound determination
to see it to its completion.
One of my clients thanked me after our vision board magic session, and shared that it had helped her resolve a lingering dilemma for the last two weeks. She was considering a study bond from her company, which was a very crucial step for her. But she had reservations and doubt.
In the course of drawing out her intentions for her work onto her vision board, she suddenly realized that the answer from her heart was a yes.
All the fears and concerns that had kept her immobile all these time, melted away.
Such vision board magic!
The way I do my vision board is radically different from the usual vision boards out there. My version of vision board comes from years of trials and error.
I did not want to just create yet another vision board for the new year, without acknowledging the parts that didn’t work for me the year before. I also wanted to make sure that my vision board is a board that works, with visions manifested.
Hence, together with my own observations and feedback from my clients, Vision Board Magic (VBM) was born.
The potent secret ingredients in VBM adds an alchemical element to the vision board, that helps it to become more accessible in daily life. After all, you can’t go everywhere with your vision board.
But what’s the use of a vision board that does not weave its magic in your daily life, to manifest what’s on it?
Vision Board Magic – Magic Amplification.
Today, I will share two of these potent ingredients of Vision Board Magic. When these ingredients are thrown into the pot, it will change a pretty picture board on your wall, to a board that works and visions that manifest.
Before we move in that direction, I want to make it clear what vision board is and more importantly, what vision board is NOT. That will ensure that your vision board is created with conviction, and delusions-free.
Vision board is NOT a magic pill.
Just because you made time to create a most beautiful vision board, does not mean that it will now automatically manifest by iteself. Tough luck Shakti but you need to commit, and do the actual work to ground your goals into reality.
Your vision board is the modest seed that you have embedded into the soil. It is not the blossoming plant. You actually need to water it, care for it, and give consistent time and attention for the beautiful flowers, that is waiting to bloom.
Vision board is a magnifier.
Your vision board not only activates your goals, and it is brought to the forefront of your conscious mind. It reveals to you where to focus your attention, and what to look out for in your daily life.
In doing so, it magnifies your visions powerfully on the energetic level. A compound effect is generated towards your goals, your efforts and your intentions.
The more you act on your vision board, the faster you snowball towards your desired outcomes. The law of synchronicity is also activated. You start to attract ‘coincidences’.
Vision board is not for the chicken-hearted.
The Cambridge dictionary defines vision as the ability to imagine how a country, society, industry, etc. could develop in the future and to plan for this.I repeat, and … to … plan … for … it. That is what you are doing with your vision board, something a chicken is unable to do.
A chicken does not aspire to be an eagle, it doesn’t even spend much time looking up! It is busy pecking for food. Neither does it have the notion to admire the sunset or the sunrise.
Vision boards are for people who have the guts to dream, to visualize a desired future for themselves. Who is willing to have the faith, even if they cannot see the path ahead, at the moment.
In short, vision boards are meant for visionaries.
Are you a visionary?
Alright, now that we have that clarity and reality-check, it is time to reveal two of my Vision Board Magic secrets to you.
Are you ready?
Vision Board Magic Secret Ingredients
1. A Vision Board Magic is a Being Board.
Have you ever created vision boards before?
Have you ever looked back at your board one year later, and wondered ‘why on earth was that goal on my board?
Have you ever achieved what was on your board, and then felt disappointed, because it did not satisfy you at all?
The antidote is to think of your vision board as a representation of your BE-ingness. It is not about what you want to do, what you want to have, etc.
It is about who you are BE-ing.
Which area of your BEing-ness are you focusing on this new year or this new phase of your life?
What was put on your board might be things that you thought would made you happy. But it didn’t. I thought long and hard about it after reviewing my own board.
Then, it struck me like a bolt of lightning. Because I was focusing on the wrong thing. I asked myself what kind of board would I like to make moving forward, that will not repeat this sense of dissatisfaction again.
I realized I was moving in the opposite direction. Instead of being so occupied with what I want to achieve, what I want to have,
I should be focused on WHO I want TO BE.
to create vision boards that
satisfy my last breath with a smile.
I suspect that I do not really care what I own or achieved in that moment, in my last breath. I WILL care about how I have lived my life and used up all my energy to be the kind of person I want to be.
What better insurance for that
than your vision board?
Provided you are committed to your Vision Board of course.
That was a real game-changer for me. So now the heart of my vision board comes from who I want to be, and it branches out to what that means in terms of the activities I will engage in, the projects that I will take up, the possessions I want to work towards, the commitments I will make, etc.
All of which, will express that kind of ‘last-breath satisfaction’ for me.
2. Know Your Why
“He who has a why to live for
can bear almost any how.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
Another element that you will not find in other vision boards, is the why. We all know about the why, Simon Sinek got everyone into a frenzy with it.
And, rightly so.
If knowing your why is so crucial,
then why is your why
not on your vision board?
Vision Board Magic includes the all-important-why on your vision board. Again, this was added based on observing my own behavior. I noted that there were times when I felt a sense of dread looking at my vision board.
It reminded me of the amount of work I needed to put in to make things happen, and all the things I have not done yet. Why was I feeling dread?
Because I have forgotten about my why.
What is the simplest solution?
Include your Why in your Vision Board Magic! It’s your vision board so put it in any way that makes sense to you. Make sure that it is clearly visible.
The toe pads of geckos contain tiny hair-like structures called setae, which helps it to stick to surfaces so it does not fall.
The Why on your board is one of the several setae in Vision Board Magic, that helps your vision board sticks to your daily life.
In your stressful or tiring moments, looking at the why on your board will energize and refocus your energy and attention. Split-second re-calibration.
“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it” ― Gautama Buddha.
The Being-ness of a Vision Board Magic does exactly that. It helps you define your purpose, and to give your whole heart and soul to that purpose by translating it into the sub-branches in your vision board.
Thank you for reading.
GIMME MORE GOOD STUFF!
1. First Stepper on Shakti on Fire Podcast
If you want to listen to the podcast episode of this blog post, click here.
2. Using the 4 Elements to Actualize your goals and vision
Have a most fruitful heart-satisfying 2018 ahead! 🙂
When you first manifest into physical being, you started off as a cell (sphere). You start by multiplying inwards, before expanding outwards. Then it becomes what is known as the Egg of Life as a Star Tetrahedron.
A Star Tetrahedron is 8 cells, which is considered the basis of the 8 major chakras in our body. As it keeps expanding, the heart becomes the first organ of your body, to appear in physical reality.
1B. The Heart’s Electromagnetic Field
Both the brain and the heart are electromagnetic generators. However, the electromagnetic field of the heart is way more powerful than that of the brain. The heart is 100 times electronically stronger and up to 5,000 magnetically stronger than the brain.
Serious heart-blowing stuff!
Together they make up the reality that we live in, electrical and magnetic = electromagnetic field.
The electromagnetic field of the heart not only has a profound effect around the human body, but also on its surroundings.
The heart’s signals have a
profound effect on the brain.
1C. HeartMath Institute (HMI)
The nonprofit HeartMath Institute is an organization with over 19 years of research on the physiology of stress, emotions and the connections between the heart and the brain. Their studies have revolutionized the way we can live.
The spaces between the heartbeat is called the Heart Rate Variability (HRV). Regardless of whether we are healthy or otherwise, our hearts beat irregularly.
By understanding the way our hearts are beating, we glean a better understanding on our adaptability to our environments.
If new input from the environment causes you tension, e.g. your partner picking a fight with you, it will show up in your heart rate as a volatile chaotic mess.
So what are the implications here?
Firstly, HRV shows your physiological resilience (Functional ability to cope with stress).
Secondly, it indicates your degree of behavioral flexibility (Behavioral adaptability to situations).
HeartMath Institute (HMI) has found that one of the factors that affect our heart changing rhythm is …. our feelings and emotions! When our varied heart rate is plotted over time, the overall shape of the waveform is called the heart rhythm pattern.
The emotions that we are feeling directly impacts our heart rhythm pattern, which reveal to us how our body is functioning.
2A. Negative Emotions
Negative emotions such as anger, frustration causes the heart pattern to be chaotic and jagged. Physiologically speaking, it indicates that the heart is not harmonious with itself.
It’s like trying to run on the treadmill on an uphill terrain, with a sprained ankle. It is inefficient and unproductive. Not to mention, potentially harmful and dangerous for the body too.
Similarly, when negative emotions arises, it also causes our body to function in an inefficient and unproductive manner. It uses up all our internal resources, and causes rapid wear and tear to our system.
The problem escalates if you are experiencing these negative emotions frequently, or for an extended period of time.
2B. Positive Emotions
On the other hand, when we experience uplifting emotions, our heart rhythm pattern becomes highly ordered, smooth and harmonious. Our wave forms start to imitate that of a rainbow or uplifting music.
That’s when we are aligned with a more efficient body system. We also connect better with others, with Mother Nature, and with our environment. The interaction is harmonious and synchronistic.
3. Emotional Self-Regulation
Studies by HMI has shown that maintaining positive emotions shifts the entire body system. This phenomenon is known scientifically as psychophysiological coherence.
Woah what a big word! Let’s break it down.
Psycho = psychological meaning mental and emotions
Physiological = physical body
Coherence = ‘systematic connections’ = harmony
Therefore, psychophysiological coherence = Harmony between body, mind and emotions
Otherwise, you can focus on any kind of breathworks, to generate psychophysiological coherence.
Because your breathing is intimately connected
with your heart.
So if ever you find yourself in a place of mental or emotional chaos, work on
Your breathing, and on
Generating positive, loving emotions.
Focus on your heart as you do long and deep breathing.
Recall a loving moment from the past, or
think of your pet or loved ones, or
a beautiful place in Nature,
and generate feelings of love, gratitude and appreciation.
In the field of neurocardiology, scientists have discovered that the heart possesses its own intrinsic nervous system, a network of brain cells with over 40,000 neurons.
What does that mean?
It means that the heart has the ability to independently sense and process information. It can make decisions, and even learn and remember. It is an intelligence system in and of itself. In short,
YES! You can think with your heart!
4. Heart and Emotions
Studies have shown that the heart is the key component of the emotional system. The heart not only responds to emotions, but the signals it sends out dramatically affects the quality of the emotion experienced from moment to moment.
Our heart is vital in
accessing our intuition.
Contrary to popular beliefs, the real boss is our heart and not our brain. The brain receive orders from our heart, rather than our heart taking orders from our brain.
4A. Healing of Trapped Emotions
When your negative emotions run wild, you will lose the ability to think clearly, remember lessons, reason and make effective decisions.
That is why it is important not only to be mindful to not allow negative emotions to take control of the present moment, it is also crucial for us to process and release negative emotions from the past, that is still influencing our thoughts, beliefs and behaviors, hindering our goals and intentions.
There are plenty of ways that you can do that. You can do psychotherapy, meditation, journaling and energy healing, just to name a few.
For example, Aroma Freedom Technique (AFT) identifies the negative memories, thoughts and feelings from the past. These thoughts are processed and released through the use of essential oils in a 12 steps psychotherapy process.
Emotion Code does that by identifying and releasing the trapped emotions, by communicating with your subsconscious mind.
Intention is the seed of all dreams and desires. It is the driving force behind the fruition of our wants and needs.
The classic Vedic text known as the Upanishads declares,
“You are what your
deepest desire is.
As your desire is,
so is your intention.
As your intention is,
so is your will.
As your will is,
so is your deed.
As your deed is,
so is your destiny.”
An intention directs your consciousness, your will, your mind and your personal power into a specific direction.
By aligning with your heart, connecting with the feelings stirred by your desire, and committing to inspired actions, you nurture your intention, like a seed into the humble beginnings of a seedling, that can grow and flourish.
6. Aligning Intention and Emotions with Your Energetic Heart
So just for a moment, imagine this. By using breathwork, slow down your hectic mind, and connect with your heart. Generate uplifting feelings and the expanding sensation of gratitude.
From that powerful place of peace and coherence, set an intention that you want to manifest into the world. Using the power of your energetic heart and your daily inspired actions,
What of your heart desires would you be able to manifest?
Hope this post helps inspired you to set a heart aligned intention for the brand new year ahead.
If your subconscious mind is 1000 times more powerful
than the conscious mind,
what controls it?
I thoroughly enjoyed watching E-motion. Apparently, there is a 2014 version. And this is a summary description on IMDb,
E-Motion is a factual documentary that explores how human emotions affect the physiology of the human body and how once negative emotions are replaced with positive emotions bona fide physical changes occur. A team of emotion experts from around the world share their wisdom and negative emotion clearing methods to show humanity the path to health and enlightenment.
The amazing accolades collected by the 2014 version is impressive.
Official Selection ILLUMINATE Film Festival 2014
Official Selection AWARENESS Cinema Festival 2014
Winner Golden Award WORLD FILM AWARDS 2014
Official Selection ASHEVILLE Film Festival 2014
Official Selection MONARCH Film Festival 2014
It has been inspiring and thought-provoking for me. It is such a joy to share the precious gems in it with you. I know you are busy so here you have it in a easy to read format. Do read it mindfully! 🙂
When we don’t work through our stuff, it manifests as diseases.
Every dis-ease that we experience are emotions, memories that are buried in our subconscious, that’s been triggered.
All organisms in nature are designed for short term stress, except for humans. We have the capacity to recall memories for a long time and stressing our system all over again when we do that.
The protective mechanism in our mind suppress these memories and feelings, not just in our minds, but also in our bodies. The evidence is muscular tension.
The human body is really nothing but energy zipping around in the speed of light.
Emotions means energy in motion. It’s our thoughts that create our emotions. And our emotions create our behavior.
When you hear people telling the same story over and over again, they are really suffering in their story.
We have been taught to resist the things that don’t feel good, instead of feeling the things that don’t feel good.
We look outside for answers. But the answers are inside because our feelings are inside of us.
9% of our energy is used to suppress energy from our past.
Your biology is your biography.
Symptoms are the body crying out, telling us that there is something wrong there.
We are not made wrong. We are not broken. We are not missing anything.
If we allow the emotions to last for hours or days, it’s called the mood. If we keep allowing the same emotions to last for weeks or months, it’s called the temperament. If we keep at it for months or years, its called a personality trait.
So often people think that they have forgiven somebody, but they haven’t. Because their bodies are expressing the unforgiveness.
Being willing to be vulnerable and feeling again, is the first step to healing and finding our joy.
The placebo effect is proving that the mind can heal itself, despite of the sugar pill or the fake operation.
The subconscious mind acts as a broadcasting signal.
True transformations comes when we break free from the chains of the emotional addiction. The side effect of true transformation is called joy.
The emotional patterns we carry in our subconscious mind influence our relationship with money, and our relationship with each other.
The subconscious is a holographic archive of your existence, of every moment of your life.
The same emotions that is going on outside of you is also going on, inside of you. The blood is pumping these chemicals; of frustration, of jealousy, and of anxiety.
Our cells have these protein receptors site that binds these molecules of emotions. The amazing thing about these receptors, is that it is the same receptors that binds heroine. So guess what? We are addicted to our emotions.
We can take one energy of any type, and transform it into another energy.
The Ho’Oponopono Process: 1 – I am sorry. 2- Please forgive me. 3 – Thank you. 4- I love you.
If I wasn’t afraid, I would …
It is not fear that keeps us trapped. It is hiding from fear.
The biggest cloud to our perception is fear.
We move from the selfish state, which is driven by hormones and stress, to the selfless state, where we really want to contribute, and to make a difference.
It will be a nicer experience for you to watch the actual movie, so if you like, you can check out E-motion documentary here or the 2014 version in IMdb.
This movie has been heartening for me, given that I am also starting to place more emphasis in the healing aspect of my work as well.
As a newly certified Aroma Freedom Technique (AFT) facilitator who can use the AFT process to help clients clear blocked feelings, emotions and memories from the past, you can imagine how in sync I felt with the movie.
Let’s all do the work. Allow yourself to feel your emotions again.
For the next 7 days, for at least once a day, pause for a moment and ask yourself.
1. How do I feel right now? (One word, feeling word)
2. What do I need right now? What can I give to myself right now?
3. If you can, record/journal it.
4. Review your journal at the end of the week.
It will be interesting to see what new insights you get at the end of it.
We have all heard of the rather controversial hypnotherapy, and perhaps even the very successful cognitive behavior therapy. Even arts and movement therapy.
But narrative therapy?
What could that be?
Therapy revolving around stories?
If that was your thought process, you are absolutely right on the mark! 🙂 Narrative Therapy was developed during the 1970s and 1980s, by Australian social workerMichael White and David Epston of New Zealand.
Particular ways of understanding people’s identities.
Certain ways of understanding problems and their effects on people’s lives.
Particular ways of talking with people about their lives and problems they may be experiencing, or
Particular ways of understanding therapeutic relationships and the ethics or politics of therapy.
The goal of narrative therapy Narrative Therapy is to be a
respectful, non-blaming approach
to counselling and community work, which centres
people as the experts in their own lives.
PRINCIPLES AND ASSUMPTIONS
“In narrative treatment, problems are considered to be outside forces
that enter people’s lives and rewrite the basic text of who they are. ” – Paquin, 2009:92
The beauty of externalization is that
it creates space for people to be able to explore new and different perspective on the issue.
Without the ‘blame’ conversation, it helps to ease the conflict in interpersonal relationships, in families and in the communities.
it avoids the problem of clients personalizing the problem, creating serious disempowering self identities and self esteem.
it enables a real conversation ABOUT the problem, rather than from a crippling ‘I’ perspective.
2. MULTI-STORIED LIVES
Stories are how we relate to one another, and how we create meaning for our lives. It is rich with information of the wide and varied lived experiences of our lives.
Just like we can define our main life story revolving around the fact that we were given up by our parents and adopted and therefore, a worthless individual. We can also frame our dominant story as one who rose from rags to riches, and hence a determined and successful individual .
Micheal White and David Epston (1990) explored the idea of a multi-storied version of life. That enables flexibility in the interpretations of what a person might be and defied a singular definition of a person.
3. YOU ARE THE EXPERT OF YOUR LIFE
Your narrative therapist/coach will approach your sessions with the belief that
you are the expert of your life.
You are already skillful and competent in resolving your issues.
You inherently possess the necessary values, beliefs, skills, knowledge and abilities to manage your challenges. Your narrative therapist/coach is a non-judgmental collaborator who helps you address the problem, and to co-author a more nurturing story.
Narrative Therapy guides a person to
Identify their values,
Identify the skills, knowledge and abilities (unique qualities) that they have displayed in the past or current when undergoing hardship
Investigate the history of the unique qualities
Challenge the current dominant discourse (problem story) that is destructive
Co-author a more nurturing discourse to replace the problem story.
There is so much power and liberation from re-writing a disempowering stories. You will see how I rewrote my story and my sense of identity in my autobiography book, From Zero to Shakti. The title of the book says it all. 🙂
I have also experienced the power of re-authoring using Narrative Therapy and many other modalities. But
the commitment to stay the course is vital.
Re-authoring your story also means that first and foremost, we need to discover what is the dominant story that you have been living with. While it is very apparent for some people, it is not so for others.
It is so deeply ingrained in the unconscious mind, some people have absolutely no clue.
It doesn’t matter which category you belong to,
what matters is that you begin.
That is why I created the Story SMASH!er Coaching Program that using Narrative Therapy, Aroma Freedom Technique, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, mindfulness and a whole lot of other good stuff to give you an all-rounded support in this exciting re-authoring journey. It will radically transform your life.
If you are feeling something inside, that is prompting you to experiment with Narrative Therapy, then
Medication side effects (E.g. birth control medication, hormone replacement therapy.)
Women are more likely to ruminate when they are depressed. We cry to relieve our emotional tension, have negative inner dialogues and confide in friends about our depression.
The thing is,
rumination reinforces depression and can make it worse.
II. Environmental stressors
Stress from work, school or at home can affect women more than men. Studies have shown that women are more likely to develop depression from stress, as compared to men.
Also, the female physiological response
to stress is to produce
MORE stress hormones.
The female sex hormone progesterone does not turn off the stress hormone system the way it does in men.
III. Body Image Issues
Ah, this is the bomb for women. And often, it already starts in puberty. Not only does a young girl experiences the challenges and confusion that comes with puberty, she would have already been exposed to the implicit and explicit expectations of society about women, by observing her environment and the female figures in her life. And of course,
the impossible perfect body.
Social factors, lifestyle choices, relationships and coping skills can become potential breeding grounds for depression as well.
Marital or love relationships, balancing the demands of romance, home life and career.
Family duties, such as caring for the spouse, the young and the aging.
Work challenges or discrimination at work such as skipped for a promotion or even retrenchment.
Death and sickness of loved ones.
4. OTHER FACTORS
Factors that can increase the chance of depression in women.
Psychological or personality characteristics
Being a single parent
Family history of mood disorders
History of mood disorders in early reproductive years
Loss of a parent before age 10
Loss of social support system or the threat of such a loss
Ongoing psychological and social stress
Physical or sexual abuse
HOW TO COPE WITH DEPRESSION
As you can see, depression is common for women,
you are not alone.
While it is challenging to be enthusiastic about resolving your depression issue while in depression, you can start with baby steps.
Here are some suggestions on what you can do to slowly move yourself out of the black vacuum that you are feeling.
I will keep this short because I would like to do a separate post on techniques to cope with depression.
Find a friend who can be an open and non-judgemental listener for you.
If there is none, there are always counselors and therapists near you whom you can seek help from.
Be it a slow walk by the park or a vigorous kick boxing session, exercise releases endorphins, that can make you feel good and better about yourself.
Have at least 6-8 of sleep. Do not shortchange yourself on quality sleep that can help you to rest, repair and rejuvenate.
Make time for stillness to centered yourself back to your core again. Breath works is great too. My favorite tool is Insight App.
Just for two minutes every night, list down the blessings that still abounds in your life. Breath and expand the sensation of gratitude in your heart.
About 60% of the human body is water. Make sure you drink enough water everyday to stay hydrated and to minimize disruptions in the bodily functions/processes. Avoid or minimize alcohol or dehydrating fluids like coffee.
Whatever is your spiritual or religious beliefs, seek constant inspiration and draw strength from it. There must be a reason why this is your spirituality, anchor on it.
Sunlight is your friend
Get outdoors, breath in the fresh air, and soak in the sunlight. It will do wonders for your body, mind and spirit.
Better still, book a session of Open-Hearted Walk with me and you get counseling plus a refreshing outdoor walk, all in one! 🙂
Be involved in social activities, meet up with your friends. Join a new social club or interest group!
Explore psycho-therapy, energy healing. For example, Aroma Freedom Technique is known to be a quick process that helps you process past negative feelings and memories, so that you can let go of the past and move your emotional energy into a positive direction.
Challenge your thoughts
When that negative voice starts again, challenge it. Don’t just accept it. Ask for evidence for what it’s saying and think of times/evidence when it was not the case.
Even when you don’t feel like it, still get up and moving. Continue to meet friends, walk the dog, show up for work. Keep going!
Ever had an idea that just keeps following you around like a phantom ghost for weeks and months?
I sure have plenty of such experiences. So when I found Aroma Freedom Technique, I was so curious how it might help me to stop procrastinating and up my game.
So I decided to experiment. I did AFT sessions for myself for two weeks. It was a very illuminating experience for me. My goal went from a vague sentence to clearer and more specific intentions, as I did more AFT sessions on the same goal.
I also grew in confidence on the possibility of achieving my goal. In addition, I got a lot of clearing done, processing negative memories and feelings from the past.
As always, some of the memories surprised me. I didn’t even consciously remember those episodes of my life, much less realized that they were hindering me achieving my goals.
I felt lighter as a person and I could feel more of the energy flow in my body. I was in touch with my own physical body. It was an amazing experience.
I noticed that I was also less agitated, or affected by my surroundings, or by what others said, that might have ordinarily bothered me.
I was just singularly focused on achieving what I wanted. I was clear headed. I liked the way I was being. And then I thought, wow, I bet lots of people can do with such a helpful challenge themselves.
Comes the birth of the 14 days AFT Challenge. 🙂 As always, helping you with what I have experienced and benefited personally.
In this challenge,
I will not only be supporting you
as a certified AFT facilitator, but also as your coach.
That will powerfully intensify the transformative process for you to achieved your desired outcome.
Whatever your goal is going to be, we are here to manifest it together, with the help of AFT.
How would life be like 14 days
after your challenge?
1 Discovery Call (30 mins)
– Let’s discover and clarify what is your intention for the 14 days challenge.
5 AFT Sessions (5 x 40 mins)
We will have AFT sessions on every alternate days to help you to
– remove the barriers surrounding your goals,
– refine your goals and
– eliminate rising challenges as they come to clear the path to fulfilling your intention.
2 Accountability Calls (2 x 15 mins)
One ACCOUNTABILITY CALL FOR EACH WEEK TO SUPPORT YOU
– FOR ANYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED IMMEDIATELY AND
– TO HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE INSPIRED ACTIONS THAT YOU HAVE COMMITTED FOR THE INTENTION.
1 Kick Next Ass Session (40 mins) – ASSESSING THE OUTCOME OF YOUR CHALLENGE AND – PLANNING FOR THE NEXT INSPIRED COURSE OF ACTION.
This coaching program fills me with so much excitement and joy, because it very much also signifies my own personal growth and healing process.
Bringing to you what has worked powerfully for me,
with the intention that it will do the same or more for you.
We all have stories in our head.
Stories about ourselves, the people around us and the world we live in. Using stories to make meaning, and to make sense of our lives is a very instinctive part of the human psyche.
In fact, that is how cultures have been created and preserved through the years. Myths, legends and even rumors, are stories that we make, stories that we share, that make US go round. It’s like casting magical spells.
The question is,
Are you concocting the right spell for a joyful you?
Come to think of it, was it so long ago when our ancestors and even until today, the primitive societies or aboriginal cultures still continue sharing stories around the fire.
So, what stories do you have about yourself?
What stories have you been living on a daily basis as if they are real?
It is called the self-fulfilling prophecy. 🙂
What have your stories manifested in your life?
Are they stories of redemption? Or are they stories of contamination?
Do the stories you weave nurture and nourish you?
Do you feel joy and peace from the world you have built through your stories?
What stories from the past that has helped you ‘survive’ then, do you still carry on with you?
What stories from the past that was created by a hurt and lonely child do you still act out, because you do not know how else to respond?
Ever hear a scary story or watch a horror movie that kept you up through the night?
Ever heard an inspiring story and felt motivated to act on an overdue dream?
Then you would know that
the power of stories cannot be underestimated.
What more the stories you are telling YOURSELF?
Stories, like energy and ideas, are so intangible and yet so captivating. Once it hooks your attention, there is no turning back. You become fascinated and engrossed.
And yet, others might have no idea how that story or that idea is influencing you.
It’s potent invisible power.
What potent invisible power is steering the wheel of your life?
Do you have the awareness to discern?
Do you have the courage to find out?
How willing are you, to do the work, to claim back joy and peace in your life?
These stories that you are telling yourself defines so many aspects of you; how you behave, what you say, how you feel, how you motivate yourself, and even how you self-sabotage.
Whether you are conscious of it or not, you are living out these stories anyway. They are always there, determining your every move.
Are you living a life on autopilot, dictated by these invisible stories?
Are you living a life of awareness, conscious of the stories you have about yourself and the world, mindful to live out self-nurturing stories?
What is the central story you have about yourself?
Do you even know?
I spent thirty years living a story of ‘I am unworthy and unlovable.’
This was a story weaved by a child, who felt abandoned and unworthy. I continued into adulthood, living from that disempowering space.
I was driven to collecting as many certifications as I could. I was very competitive, and highly judgemental of myself, and the people around me.
Everything that I did or thought was based on the anxiety of having to prove my ‘worthiness’ to myself, and to prove that I am ‘lovable’ to the world.
I was an educated, attractive and deeply depressed young woman.
Deep down, I still felt unworthy and unlovable.
It took enough pain for me to decide to do ‘radical therapy’ on myself, and to commit to eliminating this story, and to anchor in a more self-nurturing story of
I am an authentic, intuitive,
powerful and playful Shakti.
That journey was ironically triggered by my desire to be an empowerment coach for women. In the preparation process, it occurred to me that
The program is a 6 MONTHS commitment to give us enough time to do a thorough SMASH and TRASH! ‘house cleaning’ before moving on to anchor new self-nurturing stories.
There is also a 3 MONTHS option, but results might be less impactful due to the time constraint.
Phase 1 – SMASH and TRASH!
Phase 2 – SELF NURTURING
Choosing your seeds
Planting the seeds
Watering the seeds
Harvesting the love
The estimated time investment every week will be about 3 hours.
Every week you will have to attend/do –
1 SMASH!ing Coaching Call
to begin our inner work for the week, (80 mins)
1 Alignment Call
in mid week to check on your progress, and to share whatever you might want immediate support with, (15 mins)
1 Reflection Email
that captures the totality of your insights, reflections, thoughts and challenges for the week, as you work through the contents of your SMASH!ing/Alignment calls, Shaktified!, Shakti Dare and SMASH! Diary. (15 mins)
involving daily diary entries, where you are invited to write at least 5 sentences, that summarizes your reflections and insights for the day, and if you like, set an intention or goal for the following day. (20 mins p/wk)
Shaktified! (Worth US$400)
a fun component of Story SMASH!er Program which extends the work that we are doing together, to support you in an all-encompassing holistic manner, as a Shakti (woman standing in her Divine Feminine power).
This is where the support resources comes into the process, and the Shaktified! activity differs weekly such as Warrior Goddess lessons, Aroma Freedom Technique (AFT), TMRT, Shakti on Fire Coaching Series for Women, etc. (40 mins)
is an activity, that is aimed to push you beyond your comfort zone. It is meant as a friendly dare for you, to have fun and more playful moments in your life.
Story SMASH!er program can be intense as you do deep work to rewire your brain, re-author your stories and re-align with your heart.
The goal of SHAKTI Dare is to help balance you energetically while you do your inner work. (10 mins)
After all, who says inner work has to be oh so serious all the time? 😉
DiSC Profiling (Worth US$100)
DiSC is a behavior assessment tool based on the DISC theory of psychologist, William Moulton Marston, which centers on four different behavioral traits: dominance, inducement, submission, and compliance.
You will get your own free DiSC Profiling report to gain greater insights into your own motivations and behavior.
Credits Rebate (Worth up to US$300)
Sometimes it will be tough going because we are doing hard and heart work here. In order to encourage you to stay the course, I will be offering $200 credit rebate (for the 3 months program), and $300 credit rebate (for the 6 months program).
When you have succeed in finishing your coaching (YEAH!), you will be given credits, which you can use to offset whatever additional/other services I offer outside of your Story SMASH!er package. At no additional cost to you!
On top of it, I will also allow you to use this rebate, as a gift for someone else. Let’s encourage healing and spread the love around. 🙂
BONUSES UP TO US$800!!!
YOU ARE UNIQUE
You are wonderfully unique and rightly so. The pace of the coaching and how we will move through the different phases, will be determined by your evolution in the process.
This program is for your growth and your nurturing, so YOU, will dictate the pace and our progress. 🙂
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?
Yes, as you would have realized by now, this is NOT a program for the half-hearted, or the indecisive.
It is meant for women who
~ has enough of the pain, ~ really want the change,
~ who is committed to doing the required inner work, to unleash their Shakti (Divine Feminine power).
When I first saw #metoo on social media, it immediately triggered in my mind, an episode from my childhood that caused a lot of grief for me as an adolescent. I know that its effects still have a hold on me today.
I also know that many women would have responded to #metoo the same way, with painful flashbacks.
After all, how many women had not been sexually harassed in some big or small ways in their lives, at least once?
I meditated on how, as a life coach and a story SMASHer for women, would I want to respond to #metoo. The easiest way would be to share that episode that I have carried with me for so many years.
That thought jammed my heart into my throat. Woah, that is a big move Joy. Very few people know about that incident.
Admittedly it took a while but I decided yes, that is the most authentic way to approach this subject, from my personal experience. I am grateful to #metoo, because it also reminded me that it was time to heal myself of that emotional scar.
Since it is from a very long time ago, there is nothing I can do now to catch the culprit. It would be impossible to do so. But what I CAN do is heal myself from the wounds it has created.
So today, I have done an Aroma Freedom Technique (AFT) session for myself, revolving around the topic of standing up for myself against sexual harassment.
Something that all women can do, heal ourselves, let go of the past hurts and set an intention to stand up for ourselves moving forward.
Coming back to this traumatic incident. It happened when I was about twelve years old. I was instructed by my parents to get dinner for everyone. So I promptly head off to the coffee-shop to order our takeaways.
Upon reaching my block, I pressed the lift button and waited. At this moment, a Chinese man in his late thirties appeared, strolling by with his bicycle.
I had been trained by my mother to keep a lookout for strangers, especially men. I was instructed to avoid taking lifts with men I don’t know. So yes you can imagine, I perked up, waiting to see if he is passing by or if he is also waiting for the lift.
To my relief, he walked right past me. But not before looking at me intently. My lift came and I hurried in, glad to be alone.
But it was not the case.
Just when the lift door was about to close, it started to move in the opposite direction. I was taken aback. Confusion and fear set in when I saw that it was the same man with the bicycle.
I was standing at the corner farthest from the lift door, and he parked his bicycle diagonally right in the middle of the lift, before he entered. I was completely trapped in a corner by his bicycle that took up the entire lift space.
I was too overwhelmed to react and he pressed the lift door closed. He looked intently at me. Again. I was drenched with a sense of dread. I felt
something very bad was about to happen.
He pressed and moved his hand across my chest, his eyes never once leaving mine. I froze. My hands were occupied with the takeaways, and I had no way to run. I felt a silent scream from within.
I wanted to die.
His floor arrived and he quickly exited. The lift door closed. My legs buckled and I collapsed onto the floor. I was a mess. My floor came but I did not exit. I sat inside the lift, completely blanked out.
At some point, I managed to pick myself up and went home. I feigned illness when I got home, and spend the whole night lying in my bed, tortured by the images from the lift and the molester.
I told no one.
For weeks, I was tormented by the episode. I felt dirty. I felt unworthy. I was ashamed. I was not close to my parents, and I was terrified of telling them.
I would be blamed for not following their instructions. I was the wrong one. I was the bad one. I must be a terrible person, that is why this is happening to me.
I was distraught and destroyed. Still, I did not tell a single soul.
I grew up carrying that unworthiness into my life, like a silent cancer.
Today, as a woman in her thirties, I am telling you, #metoo, this is my story.
What is yours?
Today I decided to put my brave on, and do an AFT session on myself revolving around sexual harassment. I must confess that I went into the session, with a lot of apprehension.
I am not looking forward to experiencing all that pain and horror again. Nevertheless, I went ahead.
This and other hurtful memories and feelings rose up. There is a common thread of unworthiness in the memories and feelings. I wept. I felt nauseous. The waves of pain needed no further encouragement.
I wanted to die.
I pressed on.
Resentment and shame turned into grief. Then my feelings took a turn. I started to feel a sense of determination. I was even feeling upbeat by the last AFT round, which surprised me.
By the time I was done with my power pose, I was invigorated. I felt cleansed and a sense of release.
What took me so long to do this?
What sexual harassment episode(s) is/are still haunting you?
What can you do about it?
How can you bring the culprit to justice?
Healing yourself is your own responsibility, what can you do to start the process?
What victim story have you been telling yourself &/ others?
What ‘poor me’ behaviour have you been acting out in the world?
Moving forward, how would you want to be if it ever happens again?
Check out my brand new book ‘From Zero to Shakti’ –
A woman’s path to self-healing and empowerment.
Now available on Amazon and here.
Review on Amazon –
‘The author is very brave, disclosing her personal challenges and the solutions she created. I admire her unselfish sharing, and her courage in undertaking her personal quest. She traveled a long distance to a special place, and even braved a fire walk–something difficult to imagine. She tells her story in an absorbing way. This book is charming.’
Having been doing AFT sessions for others, I instinctively felt it was time to do an AFT for myself again.
AFT is a relatively new modality for many people so I understand there is probably a lot of curiosity and perhaps, even hesitation about it. Hence it might be insightful to give you a glimpse of the AFT session that I did today.
Given that it is a private AFT session for myself, I will not be revealing all my dark secrets (LOL!) but definitely enough for you to have a concrete and intimate peek at the process and what the client might be experiencing, in varying degrees and forms.
I began my AFT session with a positive affirmation made in the present tense. When I rated how possible it felt in the moment, it was a very low 2. 2/10.
The negative voice was telling me,”You are a joker. How is that possible?”
I felt a sense of heartache. I felt hurt. It was residing around my heart area. There was a rising sensation of nausea at the back of my throat.
Digging back into my past, I recalled an incident involving one of my earliest boyfriend. It was about fifteen years ago when I found out something about him, that totally broke my heart.
The memory took me off guard. Using Memory Release Blend from Young Living Essential Oils (YL), I rubbed the oils in my palms and inhaled in deeply. I felt an urge to ‘lean on’ the oils for some refuge.
I was certainly not expecting it but in a few minutes, quiet tears were welling up. Before I knew it, tears were streaking my face. A gentle wave of hurt sensation was coming up. I started to feel an ache in my stomach too. I allowed myself to cry and to feel it all.
As I continued to breath in the oils, gradually, the memory and the hurt feeling faded. A new thought came to my mind. ‘I can do this.’
Looking back at my affirmation, I rated it again. This time it was 3/10. Nothing spectacular, just one notch up. Pushing on. I felt the negative voice leering at me,”Haha. Ya right. you are a liar.”
Anger shot up in my heart. I can feel it in my chest area. And my face had tensed up. Traveling through time, to find a time where I felt the same anger in my heart, an angry episode from last night quickly ride up. It was an incident where I was accused and judged, without any chance for clarification.
Using the Belief Blend from Young Living (YL), I inhaled deeply, focusing on the feeling, the bodily sensation and the angry memory. It took a while but eventually, I felt the intensity of the anger reduced. Something in my mind said,”You do not need to let other people’s rage affect you.” Hmmm…
Revisiting my affirmation, I gave it a score again. 4/10. Clearly a process of baby steps. Moving forward. The negative voice retorted,”Give it up Joy. This is hopeless.”
I felt despair hearing those words. That feeling moved around my neck and throat area. Doing time travel again, I remember a time when I felt the same. It was a few years ago when I felt trapped in a relationship with truth stuck in my throat.
Going back to Memory Release Blend, I inhaled it all in. Tears came again. My heart ached. And then it all faded, the despair in my throat, the ache in my heart, like a faraway dream.
A new glimpse of hope came to my mind. It said “It’s (the incident) all over now.”
Glancing at my affirmation again, this time it felt like a 5/10. Another gentle step up the ladder. The negative voice said,”Alright. Be that way.” I sensed determination rising up to my heart.
I remembered feeling the same way, when I first started my pole dancing studio in 2005. Sheer determination. Belief Blend felt like the perfect partner in crime for this moment.
Inhaling the oils deeply increased my sense of determination. My mind perked up. “I have done this before. I can do it again. I will survive and thrive this.” Woohoo! I am feeling very good right now, that much is for sure!
Giving my affirmation a final rating, it is now a 6/10. It went from 2/10 – 3/10 – 4/10 – 5/10 and is now a 6/10. Wonderful!
As I meditated on my affirmation, I realized that it has morphed into another affirmation, – ‘I am resourceful, powerful, intuitive and abundant.’ I wrote down my new ally.
I have decided that the perfect power pose for this powerful new affirmation has got to be the yoga warrior pose.
I inhaled in Transformation Blend from YL and went into my power pose, verbalizing my affirmation with conviction. I did that twenty times.
I always enjoy feeling a firm shift, when I start saying it on the eleventh time onwards.
Sitting back down with a new vigor, I decided on the inspired action I will take moving forward. I shall not be too ambitious and I will just do this one task moving forward for the next five days and evaluate my progress.
That was the experience of my AFT process this afternoon. I hope you had found it insightful. Of course, it will vary from individual/affirmation to individual/affirmation.
I am feeling a little fragile, given the unexpected ride of emotions from unhappy incidents from the past. Wow, I didn’t know they still affected me.
This is what I love about AFT, it brings out negative thoughts, feelings and memories from the past, that has not yet been processed. They continue to affect you everyday, like a silent cancer.
Now that I have processed these memories, I feel uplifted too and eager to complete the task that I have set out to do.
Have you tried AFT yet?
WHAT NEGATIVE memories and feelings HAVE YOU carried with you, for years and years?
P.s. Do note that Young Living oils have been recommended by Dr Perkus for the AFT process.
P.P.S. ~ Get your free Step 1 of Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program and my latest kick ass updates here. ~
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With all my Shakti love,
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